I want to commit suicide

[anonymous]

Alsalaam alaikum I will try to make this as brief as possible.

I have been struggling for a couple of days with strong urges of killing myself. I know that despair and losing hope is equal to disbeleiving in Allah but please bear with me and try to consider where I am coming from.

Since I turned 15 yrs old I wanted to become closer to Allah so I tried my best to become a fully practising muslim girl. It was not easy but I did my best. However being so young I was very naive and imexperienced in life and so I had this unrealistic utopian view of society, muslims and the entire world in general. I was extremely enthusiastic and your genric version of what a practising muslim girl looks and acts like. My parents encouraged me in the beggining but it turns out they were insincere because they only approved of me when people outside commented on how 'good' I was. And when they realized that practising muslim girls are unattractive and looked down on in society they did their best in shutting me away from the rest of the world and not have any kind of social contact with other people so I was left behind I took on the role of a passive servant that has no say in even her own personal affairs. I have a background of bullying and unpleasant experiences in my past so I also become withdrawn by my will. I also developed a huge inferiority complex along with unresolved anger issues that are weighing me down.

My older sister has developed a mental disorder as she couldn't deal with the harsh realities that she was facing. I love her with all my heart and soul and everything that I have. But sadly my parents are very cruel to her and this has had a huge knock on effect on me. She has no friends only a little and everyone identifies her as the 'crazy girl' but she wasn't always like this she was and still is to me a beautiful and wonderful girl who has been tested and I beleive that maybe the future holds for her a better promise. At the moment though she still has to deal with all the stereotypical symptoms people who suffer from mental illnesses have to deal with but there is one thing I envy her for and that is her unshaken faith and the fact that she is very keen on her ibadah.

You see I became completely the opposite I failed Allah's test and I think I am going to hell fire. I myself started developing symptoms of an undiagnosed mental disease and I have completely lost my faith in everything. I feel empty and sad inside. The world seemed so hollow that I started experiencong episodes of psychosis I have stopped praying and when ever I try to read the quran I feeel suffocated. But this is not the only bad things that I have done I became an extremely angry person and I started losing faith in Allah. I wanted to avoid religion as much as I could and I did terribly jorrible things like going to horoscope websites and checking birth charts and watching inappropriate anime content. I felt like I have no soul and now I feel possesed I have no one to turn to and no place to go to. My community hates me because someone has been surveilling me and reported to them that I do not pray and now I am officially known as a hypocrite for some reason all this doesn't bother me as much as the thought of being dead and sentenced to hell fire eternally.

I don't know what to do. I think Allah has cursed me and sealed my heart I know I am an evil person this is why I avoid people to not cause them harm or confusion. I became a recluse and I spend most of my time on the internet. I don't want to sound melodramatic but I am not accepted by most people and people warn each other from me.

Please help me. How do I return myself back to life and purge my poisoned soul.

[anonymous]

Sorry for using so many Is.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


pl. remember : Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope ( 2: 286 )


Life is test for hereafter . We must pass the tests to get Jannat . Don't miss any prayer , recite Quran regularly . Pray with patience .

may Allah grants what is best for u .

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

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[drac16]

Wa alaykum salam,

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened to you and your sister; I'll keep you and her in my duas, insha Allah. First of all, I would say that no one has the right to tell you what is unattractive (I assume we're talking about physical attractiveness here). What your parents think and what your environment believes is just that-- it's a belief. They're entitled to believe that muslim women are unattractive, but that belief is not the same thing as a fact. Truth be told, I find women who dress modestly more attractive than non-muslim women who don't dress modestly. Whenever I see a sister wearing her hijab or a brother in his thobe and kufi, my heart jumps for joy. I suspect that many of my brothers in Islam feel the same way.

Even so, that is only physical beauty we're talking about-- and physical beauty is only temporary, aside from subjective. Do you want to know what's going to give you more confidence? being beautiful in the eyes of Allah azza wa jal. His standard of beauty, unlike society's standards, never changes. When I wear my thobe, I feel as if I'm the most handsome man in the world, even though I'm not :p. Knowing that Allah loves it when I dress modestly gives me far more joy than the world's approval ever could.

A mental illness is already difficult to bear, but being misjudged on the basis of having said illness makes it worse. I don't know your sister, but assuming that she's a good person, as you said, then she's certainly not crazy. A person who's legitimately crazy is one who has no self-control and no comprehension of what they're doing. You can know that, in spite of the accusations that your sister is crazy, she is not. It's like if everyone was telling you that two plus two equaled five; would you believe them? no, of course not. You would be confident and comfortable knowing that they're wrong. How can you feel threatened by something you know to be untrue?

I don't know where you're at, religiously speaking, but you still don't deserve to be gossiped about. Whoever was spreading information about you of your unfaithfulness, that was cruel of them. Your feeling of being unworthy is from Satan; it has no truth value at all. Allah azza wa jal created you, me and everyone else to worship Him [Qur'an 51:56]. For the first 21 years of my life, I was a kaffir, but it's not like Allah wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted everything to do with me, or else He wouldn't have made me in the first place!

The same is true for you. Even on your worst days, God still has His mind on you; He provides for you, is patient toward you and still invites you to repent to Him. Since you said that you dabbled in astrology, I think it would be best to take your re-take your shahada and start anew. Trust me, one drop of nectar from God's Mercy is sweeter than the whole world and everything in it. No sin is too big, no amount of sinning is too numerous for Him to forgive. It's not like God is sitting in Heaven, saying to Himself "Whoops I got a little carried away! now that person's evil heart is too overpowering for Me!".

I know what it feels like to live every single day as though nobody understands or that nobody cares. With Allah, though, you're never alone. Your worst day as a muslim will be superior to the best days you had as a non-believer. I hope that you will consider what I've said. The world is a better place with you in it.

[Muhammad Waqqas]

Alsalaam alaikum I will try to make this as brief as possible.

I have been struggling for a couple of days with strong urges of killing myself. I know that despair and losing hope is equal to disbeleiving in Allah but please bear with me and try to consider where I am coming from.

Since I turned 15 yrs old I wanted to become closer to Allah so I tried my الخ...

Assalam o aalaikum Wr Wb,

The first and the foremost thing is correcting our assumption about Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) its called: احس الظن بالله
i-e have a positive and beautiful opinion about Allah.

Unfortunately alot of us are told from the day we are born about how much we will be punished if we do wrong things, and subsequently our opinions about Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) become such that He (سبحانه و تعالی) is someone who is perhaps going to punish almost everyone of us. That's not at all true. I will advise you to LEARN who Allah is.. trust me.. this is a Muslim's BIGGEST strength. People will come with advises on how to solve problems that might be linked to what "you are suppose to do" or how hard "you" have to work to fix things.

My advise is, do just 1 thing: Know Allah. Learn about him. When we say Allah is all hearing and all seeing.. do we ever think that He is looking RIGHT NOW.. at this point in time when I am pressing the keys of my keyboard and someone is reading this post.. Do we have the feeling of being looked at by our beloved lord, or being heard..

Please read these two pages (its my humble request):
Introduction of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'aala)
Make Taubah.. Today!

If you don't have enough time to read these, please at least read the second link. Its about Taubah.. and its about the misconceptions people have that drive them away from Allah.

May Allah make it easy for you. I ask Allah to solve your problems and the problems of the rest of the Ummah.
Jazakallahu Khair

[anonymous]

Thank you Muslim sister, brothers drac and muhammad waqqas.But sadly my mental and spiritual states are deteriorating by the day. I feel horrible and my suicidal urges are getting worse. It is hard I feel worthless and abondoned. I wish I had the strength and patience of a true beleiver. I try to listen and read quran but just qhen I do. I feel like screaming please help give me hope.

[introspective]

[introspective]

[introspective]

[introspective]

[introspective]

[drac16]

Sister, please understand that no part of you was created by God to be able to handle all of that. The first step you need to take is to stop the self-reliance and give up on the self. Every person must give up on their own attempts at being strong enough, to believe enough and to be patient enough. All of that comes from Allah. That's why we always say "Alhamdulillah Rabbil alameen" in our salah, because we don't deserve praise-- He does. Come to the Lord sore and out of breath, just like prophet Jonah [peace be upon him] did in the belly of the fish.

I see you, in essence, saying that you can't do this and that you can't do that. I'm not asking you to end your own problems or to be what society wants you to be. I'm asking you to be who Allah wants you to be and that starts with giving up on your own attempts to cope. You have to cling to Allah azza wa jal and break the shackels of ego that are holding you down. That's the only way you'll rise above the things holding you down. That doesn't mean you'll stop suffering altogether, but Allah is sufficient enough to keep you going, despite anything that comes.

[InToTheRain]

:sl: Sister,

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves...(13:11)

In this Ayat Allah Most High is referring to the Heart/Soul which should be turned towards Him before He can change your condition. There is no one better to rely on and to put your trust No matter how bleak your life may seem to you Allah Most High can change your situation in ways you cannot imagine.

Never lose hope in Allah Most High and the fact that you are actively seeking help is a great sign that you haven't given up and indeed so long as you live there will always be ways to attain closer relations with Allah Most High; The Most Merciful. Allah Most High Loves it when we repent and the link below gives a little more detail on this:

Repent, For Allah is Merciful

Sister the Heart/Soul is a clear water which becomes polluted as our senses and cognition engage in what Allah Most High prohibits. You mentioned you become angry often and unfortunately in this state it becomes increasingly easy for shaytan to manipulate you which has led to your current predicament. I would advise you do Whudu or splash yourself with water if you become angry or even lie down if possible.

A saying if my Sheikh is "if your Salat/Prayer is Beautiful then Allah Most High will make your life Beautiful"... I can attest to the truth of those words so please Sister at least perform the 5 prayers to the best of your ability.

I also urge you to watch the youtube video series regarding the purification of the Hear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNfQxnRoPHo

Its also available in amazon as a book.

Sincerely hope your troubles are allayed soon Insha'Allah

[Alpha Dude]

"We narrate all these stories of the Ambiyaa (Nooh, Hood, Saalih, Ibraheem, Loot, Shuaib and Musa - alayhimus salaam) to you so that We strengthen your heart." 11:120.

Read about the lives of the Prophets, upon them be peace, per the above (you must have read on their backgrounds already but spend some time again all the same). May Allah strengthen you. Aameen.

[anonymous]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

[MuslimInshallah]

Beloved,


Are you the same young woman who posted 3 weeks ago?


It is hard to talk with you if I don't know more about you. You can private message me if you like. Because I sense that there are things you are shy to talk about. And that you need to talk about.


Don't be shy to talk to me. I know something about the darker sides of families.


But one thing is for sure: you are loved, my dear. Please don't deprive the world of your Beauty. Yes! Beauty! Allah made you, so there MUST be something beautiful inside of you. I know what that hollowness and despair is like. And I also know that out of the lifeless ashes of lava-burned land, come the most juicy and delicious fruits.


Talk to me, my dear. Hugs.

[Muhaba]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

Do you know that Allah loves you, as He loves all His creation? He becomes happier when a sinner repents than the person who finds his lost camel in the desert. But He will be to you as you expect Him to be.

God does not hate anyone but you need to open your heart to Him and have faith in Him. Believe that He loves you, cares about you, and will forgive everything you may have done or said. He forgives all sins and He does not mind it in the least.

The one who is giving you all these negative thoughts is the Shaytan, who is the enemy of all mankind. Shaytan wants you to lose hope and commit suicide so you go to hell forever. And yes, the one who commits suicide will go to hell. No one has the right to take a life and whoever wrongly takes a life will go to hell forever, including the one who takes his own life.

You need to have hope in God and pray and cry to God to open your heart. You need to start reading the Quran and pray regularly. And you need to do everything to change your life. Remaining alone is only going to make you miserable, so you need to go out and meet people. Go to the mosque and meet sisters there. if you can't go to your local mosque for any reason, then go to a different mosque. And don't worry about people hating you. People are very forgiving and will in fact be happy if you change for the better. They won't think of your past wrongdoings. Buy a new hijab, wear it and go to the mosque. Put a happy smile on your face, greet the sisters, and let them know you've become a changed person.

Smiling helps a lot, so make sure you smile even when you don't feel like it. Smiling will actually make you feel better. Go out in the sun, to the park or for a walk. A walk in nature will make you feel a thousand times better.

Stay away from negative people. And make sure you don't listen to any music. Because music will only make you feel sad and hopeless and give you suicidal thoughts. Listen to the Quran instead.

Also, tell yourself that you won't commit suicide ever and pray to Allah to protect you from making a wrong move. With every breath tell yourself you are a good person, you love Allah and He loves you, and there is nothing you've done that He won't forgive.

If there are things you want to achieve in life, write them down and make a plan on how to get them.

[ardianto]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

I was born in family that considered wealthy. It's because my father was success in his job. But he passed away when I was 20.

Few years later I started my career as businessman, but then I made big mistake that made me lost huge amount of money, including house and cars. It made felt 'down' because I failed, not success like my father. I tried to rise again, but failed and failed again. Finally it made me felt I was not worth and useless. And I lost my spirit to do an effort again to make my life better.

One day in that time. I was walking, and I saw an old man stood beside the street. He want to cross the street, but afraid. I helped him to cross the street. Arrived in the opposite side, he smile at me and said "May Allah reward you, young man". And suddenly I felt my life spirit came again. I began to realize that I was still worth and not useless. I began to have a courage to start my career again. So, few days later I started to work as freelance salesman. I rode motorbike or walk, traveling around the city, offer some stuff. Now, Alhamdulillah, I have my own business, I can fulfill my family needs and can give job to job seekers.

Do you know, sister?. There are many people who need your help. You can help them. Try to leave your room and go around. Give little help to anyone when you see someone need help, like cross the street. Or maybe you are interested to work voluntary to help people?. My mother worked voluntary to read books for the blinds after my father passed away. In Shaa Allah, help the other will make you realize that you are not useless, and still worth for the world.

[Snow]

Thank you Muslim sister, brothers drac and muhammad waqqas.But sadly my mental and spiritual states are deteriorating by the day. I feel horrible and my suicidal urges are getting worse. It is hard I feel worthless and abondoned. I wish I had the strength and patience of a true beleiver. I try to listen and read quran but just qhen I do. I feel like screaming please help give me hope.

You should wait for a while. The feelings will pass.
Look at it from the exact opposite. Does being happy last forever?
Not at all. You are going through a really bad time but fighting through it will make the rest of your life even happier.

Who would enjoy good times if they have not faced adversity?
Also, it is never a good idea to make serious decisions in a very emotional state.

[Snow]

Any news on the thread starter?
Let us know if you are all right.

[Futuwwa]

Dear sister,

The first, most essential thing, is to not commit suicide. Do what you need to do to be able to cope, even if it means allowing yourself not to be a perfect Muslim at once. Even if it means skipping religious obligations for now. If you keep on living out of obedience to Allah, you are not truly lost. Everything you suffer from keeping on living will count to your benefit on the Day of Judgment.

When you feel somewhat stable and have overcome your suicidal urges, you can go about trying to become a better Muslim. Difficult things become easier when you break them down into small steps.

[h-n]

You seem to defining your relationship with Allah in accordance to how other people treat you. So if you had a "good" life with other people, and they treated you better, then you would be happy with God? Don't you think that you shouldn't be allowing your personal relationship be effected by anything and anyone??

Some points to go over;-

1. There is an issue of how people deal with mental illnesses in the west, it is from the devil whispers, not only do they tell people to be evil, but they tell people to feel sorry for themselves (even if they have a right to be), but then people end of wasting their lives and throwing away what they could have done.

2. Your parents and others, have have lived longer in this world then you you, do you think that you need to spend so much time trying to have the "perfect" relationship, or that your going to teach them about kindness, love and compassion with people who have already lived and been married and have children? You need to respect your parents and others, but that doesn't mean squandering your life by saying that so and so wasn't like this with you. Even the Prophet Joseph peace be upon him did not go around like after he got thrown in a well.

3. Allah guides people, so the fact that your seeking advice is showing you that Allah is helping you to make your life better. We are tested, so if you think that a good relationship with Allah will only mean that you have a "perfect" family life then you are wrong. This test isn't about God just taking away our problems, removing all the bad people from our lives.

4. What you should do is firstly worship Allah-as Allah will help you to be guided more, as he is already doing.

5. The next thing you should do is concentrate on your plans in life, you need to get a job, take a course, I don't know where you live, but you shouldn't have any objections, don't wait for someone to show you what you can do, go and find out via resources on internet. As you work and build something else with your life you need to take control of your life, and not define it by what other people give you or not. It may include getting married in the future-please do not make the same mistake as others who jump in to getting married and get married to someone that they don't like.

--------------------

Allah gave you life, and for you to say that its less valuable, that your willing to throw it all away, because others haven't made your life easy. Allah didn't just sort out all the problems WITHOUT even the Muslims at the time of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him opposing evil.

If you can't survive living, remember you will be alive forever in the next world, if you go to Hell, Allah will not "kill you off". Allah has never made a mistake of creating people, just because they committed evil, that doesn't mean that they are going to reverse what Allah is not going to undo what he has done. If you commit suicide no one will be able to help you.

God is pleased with people who strive, you have to be religious regardless if you were being beaten up everyday, as again cannot define your relationship by the sins of other people. Your not the first Muslim who has learnt how society prone their relatives are. Don't let that get you down. Nothing that you said, will you be able to repeat on the Day of Judgement-as all that you will be saying is that you shouldn't have let evil doers effected your relationship with Allah. Even the evil-doers who followed each other by bad deeds will be blaming them, saying I shouldn't have followed you.

Then choose, as this is your test. What is more dear to you?? That you have Allah, the All-Mighty, where all the angels bow down to him in worship, including Archangel Gabriel and Micheal. There is much to look forward to in the next world. There is a lot of issues where people think that if they are not happy all the time, or if they don't get their life, job they want that their life is a failure-well this isn't a life its a TEST. People on the Day of Judgement, it would seem to them that they haven't lived in this world for years but day. No need to stress about others, including your sister (when anyway you've stated she hasn't allowed others actions to make her angry at Allah). Why should Allah be blamed for the actions of evil doers?? When Allah is holding them account on the Day of Judgement for their actions, where he is blaming the evil for their actions. If Allah stopped people from being evil, then how can you prove to him that you will be good.

Make the right choice and do not let the actions of others dictate your own PERSONAL relationship (rather that you should remember that Allah has given your parents and others so much, and its strange that they wish to disrespect others) with Allah, show your STEADFASTNESS-as how can you prove to Allah that you are steadfast if you were living like a princess?? Do not let evil actions of yours or others dictate your decision making, as evil is nothing, Allah attaches no value, even people who were in lewd behaviour have repented and made it to a good place in the next world. There are already so many in their graves, who wish to return to this world to make amends with Allah. So if you commit suicide, remember that you will only wish to return to this world to make amends and that you wouldn't care of the mistakes of others.

Remember Allah and the Day of Judgement. Thank Allah that he has given you so much, instead of saying that he hasn't given you enough.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds.

[saif-uddin]

The Messenger of Allah :saws: is reported to have said: “Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath.”

(At-Tirmidhi)

[saif-uddin]

Allah Azzawajal says in the Glorious Quran ...

Surah Yusuf : Ayah 87
--------------------------
"... Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve."

:jz:

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


I don't know what happened to the OP. I fervently pray she is alright.

I found this article that I thought might be of help to anyone who either feels suicidal, or who wants to understand how they can help someone who is suicidal.


May Allah, the Oft-Forgiving, Help us express our love to those in pain.


Talking about Suicide While Muslim

Written by Chelby Daigle Published in Opinions

At the upcoming Serenity Islamic Mental Health Conference this May, I will be sharing my personal experience with suicide. In recognition of Mental Health Week (May 2 to May 8), and being inspired by a recent Letter to the Editor, I have decided to share some reflections on why we need to make it easier to talk about suicide in our communities.

It is hard to find Muslims who feel safe enough to speak publicly about living with a mental illness. It is even harder to find Muslims who will go on the record stating that they have contemplated or attempted suicide. Because suicide is a major sin in Islam, as in most religious traditions.

The irony here is that most of the time when I see Muslim Canadians rally to do something about mental illness in our communities it is in the wake of a suicide, often of a young Muslim. So, we know for a fact that Muslims are committing suicide in our communities.

It is strange that we use the word “commit” when describing the act of suicide. That’s because attempting suicide used to be a criminal offence in Canada before 1972.

A sin and a crime-who is going to admit that they have done this?

So here it goes. I have attempted suicide both before and AFTER my conversion to Islam, and I have contemplated suicide so seriously in the last few years that I have had to go to the hospital emergency and be taken under long-term hospital care. Alhamduillah, I am still here and healing but my mental illness is a reality l live with on a daily basis. It is not something that can be “cured” but with proper supports it can be managed.

I have been speaking publicly about living with a mental illness, in my case chronic depression and anxiety, since my teens. I was officially diagnosed with a mental illness at 15 at the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO). My first well-paying job came from CHEO as I was hired to be part of a team of other CHEO teen patients to make a video about the teenage experience of living with mental illness which would be used to help train psychiatrists. I would eventually take the video to my high school and ask to present it in any class that would take it.

I had a certain bravado around speaking publicly about my illness from a young age. One reason for this was that I knew it was so important for me to speak out so other people knew they were not alone. But another reason was that, I was just not afraid of being judged or attacked or shunned because of my illness because nothing anyone could say or do to me would ever be worse than the things I said and did to myself.

And that is the reality for many of us who have gotten to the point of trying to take our own lives. We have become experts at self-loathing. No hater can beat us at hating on ourselves. No mean girl clique could more efficiently make us feel worthless than the bullies in our own minds.

And this reality of self-loathing is what we need to be very careful about when we talk about suicide. I am always fascinated by how talk of suicide raises anger in other people. “People who commit suicide are selfish. People who commit suicide are cowards.” Okay, do you really think saying things like that is going to make someone who feels so much self-loathing that they want to end their life NOT want to die?
The same goes for religious arguments that revolve around hell. “If you kill yourself, you are going to go to hell.” If you are full of self-loathing you probably wrote off the possibility of EVER being good enough to go to heaven. You might think you BELONG in hell.

When I am overwhelmed by a compulsion to end my life I don’t think about how bad a Muslim I would be to throw away Allah’s gift because I think that I am so worthless that I should no longer be taking up the food, water, and oxygen of other more deserving parts of Allah’s creation. I don’t fear the punishment of hellfire because I think that is what I deserve.

The “carrot and stick” logic we often use when trying to enforce religious rulings often doesn’t work when you are dealing with deeply suicidal people who have lost all hope. In my own experience, what has brought me back from the brink has not been the promise of reward or the fear of punishment. It has been connection, to my creator, to people, to pets, to a sense of purpose. As a community, the more we can help people feel connected, and the less we increase people’s self-loathing by dumping a bunch of shame on them, the more we will be able to offer support to those of us who are struggling with suicidal thoughts.
If asked, I will continue to speak publicly about living with mental illness and contemplating suicide; however, my hope is that more and more Muslims will come forward and feel supported enough by their families and safe enough in the community to share their stories because we need to learn from their experience, wisdom and insights if we are going to develop into a community that can prevent its members from taking their own lives.

My advice for those of you who are Muslim and are considering public speaking on your journey with mental illness is to make sure you have a support system in place so that you can cope with the number of other Muslims who will want to confide in you about their own struggles with mental illness or ask for referrals to counselling services, something which I am asked to do regularly since I started speaking openly about my illness. Frankly, we need support groups in our mosques and community centres so Muslims struggling with mental illness can connect with each other for mutual support.

Also, be prepared for the haters because they will come. For many years when I publicly spoke about mental illness to Sunni, Shia and Ismaili Muslim communities, I never had to deal with this problem, but since taking up the role of Muslim Link Editor in Chief, I guess being a more public community figure has changed how I am perceived by some people. I have received some pretty mean-spirited attacks when I have shared about my struggles. I have been accused of trying to get attention and of “showing off” my trauma. So again, have a strong support system so you can deal with this kind of backlash but know that the people attacking you are probably just in a lot of pain themselves. Don’t let them stop you from sharing your story. Your story is too powerful and can help too many people for you to let anyone silence you.

My message to Muslims coping with suicidal thoughts is that Allah created you for a reason even if you are not so sure what that is. We know it is to worship Allah but that can manifest itself in so many ways beyond the five pillars. I still am not really sure what my exact purpose is. What I do know is that because of my illness I have had to give up on many dreams around school, career, and family which, when I am not well, can feel like failures that rob me of any sense of hope for the future, but when I am doing well, I can see them more as opportunities to take less well-trodden paths in life.

Our lives may not turn out as we had hoped, but that doesn’t mean we cannot find things to be grateful for. Since my mother’s death I have had to cope with her loss, the loss of a job, and the loss of a friendship. On bad days, this is all I can see, this is all the illness lets me see.

But on better days, I can see what I still have and what I have gained- the ongoing support of so many awesome friends and community members, the continued opportunities to meet and connect with wonderful people and expand my understanding of the world, the strange new recent experience of finding myself crying for joy at a friend's wedding.

I look forward to the lessons about myself and the world that Allah keeps teaching me through the surprises and unpredictable moments of my life. This is where my hope comes from now.

I cannot promise you that life in this world, the dunya (the temporal world), will get any easier. But you are supposed to be here, so please stay.


http://muslimlink.ca/in-focus/opinions/talking-about-suicide-while-muslim

[_E_3]

please please dont do this i lost my step dad to suicide and there has been times when i feel like you do
its devtated my family and i would never want this for another family
please hold on ...i know its so hard living each day Allah ( swt ) loves you hold on to that
We are here for you all of us are

[anonymous]

Alsalaam alaikum everyone

I am the OP. Alhandulilah I am in a much better state short after making this thread I was diagnosed with delusional disorder I take meds. Sadly my sister passed away in 2020 she was only 28 years old but she was ill please make duaa for her. I am engaged and I am looking forward to the next chapter. I have attempted suicide 5 times and Allah saved me now I just want to be married and have a family. Thank you to everyone who has comforted me. Thank you and jazakum Allah khairan

[Muhammad]

Wa Alaykum assalam,

Jazakallahu khayran for your message. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help you to remain strong, bless your marriage and may He subhanahu wa ta'ala shower His mercy upon your sister, Ameen.

[Otourtle]

Salam walekum, I know life is Hard, But it is important to know that is a test for the mumin, Have patiences O brother, I promise you Allah(swt) will reward you for being steadfast. Make Dua brother

If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says:" We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," ' Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange. She (Umm Salama) said: When Abu Salama died. I uttered (these very words) as I was commanded (to do) by the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). So Allah gave me better in exchange than him. i. e. (I was taken as the wife of) the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ).

[muslimx]

Thank you so much for the update OP. We all will be making duas for you.
May Allah bless you with knowledge about the Deen so you can handle yourself in future In Sha Allah.

As a soon to be wife, as a potential mother, may Allah ease your hardship and help your fulfill your responsibilities.