Family Hates Islam & Muslims

[Thanaa]

I just wanted to ask what advice people could give me concerning my family...
I live in North Wales, and so I havent been able to find anyone to help me learn to perform Wudu, or to pray.
The really big problem that I have though, is my family.
They really dont like Islam, or Muslims.
The last time they discussed the subject of Islam (you know, how were all terrorists), their opinion was that all Muslims should have to travel on segregated aeroplanes, etc. so that they can only blow each other up.
They know Im interested in Islam, but refuse to be civil about it.
My mum even told me a few weeks ago, that If I ever came home in a Hijab (ie. became a 'proper' muslimah), she'd throw me out.
I intend to revert fully, whatever my parents think, because this is the best faith for me.
How can I not at least try to follow it?
I dont know what to do.
My family are not going to change their minds...
I need some advice then :) Has anyone else been through a similar experience?

[DigitalStorm82]

Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

No doubt that is a very difficult situation... but, with every hardship comes ease. Have faith in Allah to get you through this...

My advice to you would be to start practicing Islam right away, we don't know when the angel of death will pay us a visit.

Here are some links to where you can find out how to pray and make wudu.

This site contains flash videos demostrating how to perform wudu

http://english.islamway.com/bindex.p...tion=flashmain

Here it is again in 2 parts in case it gets cut off: http://english.islamway.com/
bindex.php?section=flashmain

Click on "Educational Flashes" to find out how to make wudu and how to pray.

This websites has free books to read about Islam.

http://islambasics.com/index.php

You can find anything you need to know about Islam on this site.

If you have any specific questions which cannot be found in books... here is a link to one of the really good fatawah sites.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng


I hope you can use these tools to learn how to practice Islam properly.

Word of advice regarding your family... Make duah to Allah to help them realize the true value of Islam.

I don't know how old you are... or whether you can move out on your own to practice Islam properly.

I suggest you start praying in your house at least... even if you can't wear the Hijaab yet.

Also, try to develop a good bond with your mother so you can tell her about wearing hijaab at a later time.

Allah knows your intentions sis, just make duah to Allah.

May Allah help you in all that you do, inshallah.

W'salaamz,
Hamid

[nishom]

SALAAM,

SISTER, IT PLEASES ME VERY MUCH THAT GOD ALMIGHTY AND MOST MERCIFUL HAS GRANTED YOU GUIDANCE.

YOUR FAMILY DOES NOT HATE ISLAM OR MUSLIMS.

WHAT THEY DISLIKE IS THE DISTORTED PICTURE OF ISLAM IN THE MEDIA WHICH SHOWS ISLAM AS A BACKWARD AND OPPRESSIVE RELIGION AND GENERALISES ALL MUSLIMS TO BE TERRORISTS.

MY ADVISE TO YOU IS:

START PRACTISING IMMEDIATELY.

THERE IS A LOT OF STUFF ON THE INTERNET WHERE YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO PERFORM ABLUTION, PRAY AND SO FORTH.

TRY THESE OUT, THERE REALLY GOOD FOR NEW MUSLIMS!!!!!!

THE BELOW WEBSITES ALSO SHOW EXPERIENCES OF OTHER REVERTS-IM SURE THESE WILL BE REALLY HELPFUL.


WWW.TURNTOISLAM.COM

WWW.ISLAMTOMORROW.COM

WWW.ISLAMYESTERDAY.COM

WWW.ISLAMICVIDEOS.NET

WWW.BECONVINCED.COM


ALSO COULD YOU START UP ANOTHER THREAD, TELLING US HOW AND WHY YOU REVERTED, WHAT MADE YOU REVERT.

SUCH STORIES MAKE ME CRY AS I REALISE THAT MY OWN FAITH IS SO FRAGILE COMPARED TO THAT OF OTHERS.

ALSO RAMADAN, THE MONTH OF FASTING IS COMING-BE PREPARED BY RESEARCHING ON THE NET THE INJUNCTIONS WITH REGARDS TO HOW TO FAST.


IF YOU NEED ANY MORE HELP OR INFO, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE IN POSTING FOR HELP ON WHATEVER TOPIC YOU NEED!

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Sister don't be afraid, just be patient with your famaly and pray for them, inshallah their opinion will change over time. Three pieces of advice, from my own expieriance dealing with my non-muslim family.

1. Pray, it works. It's the best thing you can do, bether then any dawah, pray that they understand and that you become patient with them.

2. Best dawah is setting a nice example. Be good, be generous, show them how Islam changed your heart.

3. Don't try to turn it into a sales pitch, you only have the responsability over informing them regarding Islam, what they do with the information is completely up to them. And wrapping it in a nice package may sometimes have the opposite effect.

4. Don't defend yourself. Your family might push you into a psoition where they make it seem like you have to defend yourslef for choosing Islam. Don't alow that, make it clear that you don't have to defend yourself for anything. But do try to explain. Just make it so that rather then both of you discussing wheter Islam is right or not, make it so that the discussion is guided towards you explaining them what Islam is truly about. Afterwards you can still refute flawed reasons, but if you start discussing from step one making it into a debate then it will be very dificult since both partys will run in circles.
Also don't be afraid to say:" I don't know". It's sometimes better to look up some stuff first before answering.


Nishom, nice advice, but let me give you some advice to :D

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[Janissary]

Listen to steve, especially #2. If they believe lots of nasty stuff about Islam, you'll have to show them to be wrong.

Did you have any particularly nasty vice before embracing Islam? If so, delegating extra effort to getting better on that point would perhaps convince them that you have changed for the better.

[syilla]

sis you're so strong...

May Allah help you and show you the way...ameen....

[Ubaidah]

My family is one of the main issues I'm worried about dealing with. Simply because I was raised Catholic, and I know my mother will initially freak and worry about me. But I'm confident that when she sees how happy and fulfilling my life is/will be, I'm hoping she'll accept it and be happy for me.

[syilla]

brother you'll be in my dua....

:) :)

[Ubaidah]

Thank you very much...:smile:

[Thanaa]

SALAAM,

SISTER, IT PLEASES ME VERY MUCH THAT GOD ALMIGHTY AND MOST MERCIFUL HAS GRANTED YOU GUIDANCE.

YOUR FAMILY DOES NOT HATE ISLAM OR MUSLIMS.

WHAT THEY DISLIKE IS THE DISTORTED PICTURE OF ISLAM IN THE MEDIA WHICH SHOWS ISLAM AS A BACKWARD AND OPPRESSIVE RELIGION AND GENERALISES ALL MUSLIMS TO BE TERRORISTS.

Well my younger brothers hate anyone who is a "paki", think that all muslims are "pakis", and my Mum has told me that her father said to her once that he didt care who she dated, so long as "..he doesnt face east."
So Id say Im screwed, really.
Im 18, so I could move out, but my car broke down yesterday, and as Im unemployed (finding it hard to find any work as I cant speak Welsh), I cant go anywhere.
Also, I couldnt pray dawn prayer, cause Id wake people up...and Im rubbish at learning stuff like that on my own, AND Id feel rude asking a local muslimah to help me.

[glo]

brother you'll be in my dua....

:) :)

That should be sister, syilla! :rollseyes :giggling:

[glo]

Well my younger brothers hate anyone who is a "paki", think that all muslims are "pakis", and my Mum has told me that her father said to her once that he didt care who she dated, so long as "..he doesnt face east."
So Id say Im screwed, really.
Im 18, so I could move out, but my car broke down yesterday, and as Im unemployed (finding it hard to find any work as I cant speak Welsh), I cant go anywhere.
Also, I couldnt pray dawn prayer, cause Id wake people up...and Im rubbish at learning stuff like that on my own, AND Id feel rude asking a local muslimah to help me.

Pluck up your courage, Thanaa!!
If you want to learn about Islam and there are Muslims around locally, wouldn't it be best to ask them for help?

I know what you mean though, because I don't find the Muslims in my community too approachable either. Not because they are rude, but because they tend to keep themselves to themselves ... :rollseyes
(I would argue that Muslims keeping themselves so isolated is one of the reasons why such terrible stereotypes and misconceptions about Islma exist in the first place! ... but that's a different topic alltogether ...)

What it means for you is that you will have to make the first step!
I am sure if you ask the local Muslimahs for advice they will be more than happy to help you! :)

Peace

[DigitalStorm82]

Id feel rude asking a local muslimah to help me.

This is not the case... They'll be more than glad to help you. You just have to find the courage to do it.

[Abdul Fattah]

Well my younger brothers hate anyone who is a "paki", think that all muslims are "pakis", and my Mum has told me that her father said to her once that he didt care who she dated, so long as "..he doesnt face east."
So Id say Im screwed, really.
Im 18, so I could move out, but my car broke down yesterday, and as Im unemployed (finding it hard to find any work as I cant speak Welsh), I cant go anywhere.
Also, I couldnt pray dawn prayer, cause Id wake people up...and Im rubbish at learning stuff like that on my own, AND Id feel rude asking a local muslimah to help me.

Be patient and show them the beauty of Islam, show them there is no reason fro them to revolt against your religion. As for dawn prayer, I pray them a.s.a.p. so that means the alarmclock of my cellular runs off every morning. I still live at home, and up untill recently my mother didn't even know that I woke up this early for prayer. do you need a really loud alarm clock to wake up? Also praying by itslef does't make that much noise, it's not like you gotta scream top of your lungs :)
May Allah make it easy for you inshallah.

[syilla]

That should be sister, syilla! :rollseyes :giggling:

i mean JMF :)

[F.Y.]

Sis, dont feel shy to ask for help. We all need support.
Go to a mosque and ask the Imaam if he knows anyone that can help you (maybe his wife would like to??). It might be daunting - but find the courage and nerve within yourself - yes, we all have it.
A lot of reverts have this issue with families. I say have some quotes ready from teh Quran that explain that its not about being a 'paki' so when they tell you off, you can be really calm and say, "Im sorry if thats what you have believe but to get to the truth, you go to the source - thats the Quran and this is what it says."Tell them about belief in Jesus too - find similarities as much as possible. Take things slowly, let them adjust too!
Dont try to argue or fight with them - it might make them more aggressive.
Just hear them out, and say 'ok', maintain your dignity. It could be upsetting, but over time, they will come to know how you have changed. Make sure you dont distance yourself from them, and do nice things for them like make them tea and stuff like that, so they know you've changed for the better. They are still our families, and who knows, your good actions mgith help them see the light too.

One step at a time sis. Dont overwhelm yourself. Take a look at some videos of reverts too - how they dealt with parents. They'll be in the Islamic multimedia section of this forum or you can google/yahoo them in.

Take care.
Let us know what you decide to do.:)
Peace

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Nishom, nice advice, but let me give you some advice to :D

LOL! ROFL! how mean!!!! YOU LIKE MY CAPS LOL..ok my head hurts.
neways back to the sis...
InshAllah all will be well sis. Keep ur iman strong.
Always keep ur salah intact =)
Remember this too is a test to see how strongly ur are committed to Islam :)
May Allah ease ur difficulties, Ameen.

[Quruxbadaan]

i mean JMF :)

well it does say brother in humanity

[Thanaa]

Pluck up your courage, Thanaa!!
If you want to learn about Islam and there are Muslims around locally, wouldn't it be best to ask them for help?

I know what you mean though, because I don't find the Muslims in my community too approachable either. Not because they are rude, but because they tend to keep themselves to themselves ... :rollseyes
(I would argue that Muslims keeping themselves so isolated is one of the reasons why such terrible stereotypes and misconceptions about Islma exist in the first place! ... but that's a different topic alltogether ...)

What it means for you is that you will have to make the first step!
I am sure if you ask the local Muslimahs for advice they will be more than happy to help you! :)

Peace

...
Well, Im not sure there are any Muslims in the area.
Ive lived here since Oct last year, and Ive seen 3-4 Muslim families, tops.
There are is very popular all year round for tourists, so I have no idea whether these people are locals or anything. :cry:

[Fishman]

do you need a really loud alarm clock to wake up? Also praying by itslef does't make that much noise, it's not like you gotta scream top of your lungs :)
May Allah make it easy for you inshallah.

:sl:
Just make dua and drink a big glass of water before bed. Or even skip out the water. If you put your trust in Him Insha'Allaah Allah (swt) will wake you up. I've never used an alarm clock for fajr, and I've only missed it twice.
:w:

[Thanaa]

:sl:
Just make dua and drink a big glass of water before bed. Or even skip out the water. If you put your trust in Him Insha'Allaah Allah (swt) will wake you up. I've never used an alarm clock for fajr, and I've only missed it twice.
:w:

That could work.
Although, I do sleep like the dead, so perhaps it wouldnt.

[glo]

i mean JMF :)

I know.
Ignore me, Syilla ... I got confused!! :? (It happens sometimes, it's my age ...) :giggling:

[*noor]

how old are you sister?

[glo]

...
Well, Im not sure there are any Muslims in the area.
Ive lived here since Oct last year, and Ive seen 3-4 Muslim families, tops.
There are is very popular all year round for tourists, so I have no idea whether these people are locals or anything. :cry:

Oh, I see ... it sounded like you knew of local Muslimahs ...

That makes it a whole lot trickier! :(

You see, it is difficult for me to give you advice, because as a Christian woman I can empathise with your parents' view.
If my children chose the path of Islam, I would equally feel that they are making a mistake, and I would certainly worry for them! :uuh:

Nonetheless, you have the free choice to choose your faith (and that free choice is from God himself!) - regardless of whether your parents, teachers, neighbours, other Christians (me included :giggling: ) think you are making a mistake!

I saddens me to see young people like yourself having to struggle with their spiritual paths. :cry:

May you walk in God's peace, sister :)

[glo]

how old are you sister?

The profile says 18.

[Ayesha Rana]

I saddens me to see young people like yourself having to struggle with their spiritual paths. :cry:

May you walk in God's peace, sister :)

Ameen
May Allah help you sis

[glo]

I just wanted to ask what advice people could give me concerning my family...
I live in North Wales, and so I havent been able to find anyone to help me learn to perform Wudu, or to pray.
The really big problem that I have though, is my family.
They really dont like Islam, or Muslims.
The last time they discussed the subject of Islam (you know, how were all terrorists), their opinion was that all Muslims should have to travel on segregated aeroplanes, etc. so that they can only blow each other up.
They know Im interested in Islam, but refuse to be civil about it.
My mum even told me a few weeks ago, that If I ever came home in a Hijab (ie. became a 'proper' muslimah), she'd throw me out.
I intend to revert fully, whatever my parents think, because this is the best faith for me.
How can I not at least try to follow it?
I dont know what to do.
My family are not going to change their minds...
I need some advice then :) Has anyone else been through a similar experience?

Hi Thanaa

I had some more thoughts that I would like to share with you and all other converts who are struggling with resentment and rejection from their families.

You may find this strange, but I am in a similar situation to you.
There is also somebody in my life who trys to keep me from following my faith!
(Not my parents, as is the case with many of you, but nonetheless somebody who I love very much and who plays an important part in my life.)

I want to give you this piece of advice:
Remember that your parents don't try to stop you from being Muslims, because they hate you or want to prevent you from being happy.
On the contrary - they are doing it because they love you, because they want what's best for you, and because they don't want to see you hurt!

Perhaps you should think about your parents in this way (or perhaps even say this to them):
"Thank you for loving me and caring for me so much that you want to shield me from what you perceive to be harmful to me.
But please give me the freedom to choose my own path.
My faith will not come between you and me. On the contrary, my faith instructs and encourages me to love and respect you all the more!"

I hope this helps ... I know it helps me when things get tough.

Peace :)

[Thanaa]

I do try to think of my family like that, but it can be diffucult, lol! :D

[S_87]

:sl: sister

if you talk to a muslim family, they will not think it rude but a great honour to help you.

and follow your heart sister Allah will never desert you. take the steps slowly though, if you DO want to wear hijab and make your faith known and you risk seriously being thrown out, contact the nearest masjid you know and they should help you. but if you want, keep it a secret till you are fully ready to leave home.
they may, accept it gradually, but you do not want to risk being on the streets etc. so contact fellow muslims in the closest area near you

[IceQueen~]

the fact that families turn against you and make things difficult isn't new...
this is what every age has seen right from the beginnings of Islam when the first muslims in Makkah were thrown out and boycotted just because they believed in Allah and His Messenger...

they all went through the same hardships and tortures and heart breaks, but their lives and deeds are preserved and we can read about them and relate to them whenever we are in tough situations insha allah.

their life stories give us courage and strength to keep our heads up and stay strong in our deen as best we can insha allah

[Muslimgirl01]

Sis may allah help you and make everything easy for you and reward you in the akirah.

[dishdash]

so long as "..he doesnt face east."

Nice and easy then - move to Pakistan! :)

In all honesty, they have no worries - unless you are a Pakistani's first cousin, you're unlikely to be considered anyway.

There is some excellent advice above and I won't add to it now. But I would highlight this bit. Let your parents see that you are happy. Every mum and dad wants their kid to be happy. And Islam will make you happy.

Annoyingly enough, many Muslims will NOT make you happy. If your parents wish to engage you on the subject, don't fight them is great advice - but point out to them how since learning about Islam, how upset you are with the way that many many procaiming to be Muslim are practising it. In other words don't negate your parents' concerns and clash, show a little wisdom, sidle alongside their opinions without negating the truth. Let them see you're not a sheep.

Following the religion to the best of your ability is the same as following the religion completely and utterly - this is recognised by God. Each and every action you take for yourself is rewarded, no matter how small.

For me, the real 'proofs' were in the concept of fitrah (that little voice or moral compass in your heart that says yay cool or wooah bad), the feelgood factor you get immediately after prayer and another feelgood you get from picking up a piece of litter, broken glass etc with no-one seeing or knowing except you and God. Try it - you will get hooked!

Fasting in Ramadan - every time the hand goes to the mouth or the mind wanders to food etc and you manage to control it - you will get one hell of a rush, I can assure you! Such a feeling of achievement and knowing that God is smiling on you.

Let your folks see how good it is for you but do not show them...

Anyway - I'm out of here - I'm meant to be retired.