So I had a proposal from a West Indian sister, I enquired if she knew how to cook Indian food as it's all I practically eat and would like a wife who cooks this type of food, she said she can't cook it and doesn't want to learn as she'd like her and her husband to eat food that she was brought up eating because that's what she's used to.
So we agreed it wouldn't work out cos we have different preferences. She also expected me to learn her language to communicate with her mother and father and I wasn't up to doing that.
What do you guys think? would we have been compatible? I can imagine myself getting frustrated at the lack of Indian food and learning a language I have no desire to learn.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 06-12-2011 at 07:43 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Maybe you need a wife like Monica from friends then who is clean freak that way you can just sit back hehe.
Dude, she would throw a wobbler if she ever set foot in my house. She's far too OCD about cleaning for my tastes. I think one of us would end up dead or horribly insane before a week had passed.
Is there a noticable difference between Muslims raised in Western society and Muslims raised in a traditional Islamic society? Being new to Islam, I have yet to notice the subtle differences in individuals from various backgrounds.
A very good and interesting question bro, and I believe you will get different answers depending upon the people answering because everyone is different, what 1 person feels he is able to work with, another person may completely differ. But I'll give you myself as an example.
In my personal opinion I think there is, take myself for example, I can see myself getting on much better and being more happier with a girl raised in a western society rather than a girl raised back home. And I feel race is irrelevant in this situation, any British raised girl whether she be white, african, asian will be a better match for me rather than a girl from back home. However this is just me as an individual, another may answer in the complete opposite and say the opposite, I guess it depends on the people involved, because I can also think of a few people I know who were raised in the west and they would get on better with a girl from back home rather than here. So there's no definite answer to your question, every situation/person is different and thus it should be assessed on a case by case basis.
I have 2 uncles, one is very westernized and loves british culture, he loves having sunday dinners and he has even made an english nick name for himself, and he loves everything english. Ranging from the food to the way they talk. His mum actually had to learn english dishes when he was younger cos he didn't wanna eat asian food lol. I think this uncle would be more suited to a british raised girl.
I have another uncle who is the complete opposite, he's into his asian drama's and asian television/movies, he loves cheering for Pakistan in the cricket, he all ways talks the asian language even though he can speak english perfectly well, he also hates english food and thinks its the most boring food on the planet. I think this uncle would be more suited to a girl from back home or a girl raised in the west who is more like him.
Do you see my point? It's impossible to apply a generalization on every situation, rather I believe every situation/individual should be a case by case basis. And it's the same with women, I have aunties who are more suited to british raised people and I also have aunties who are more suited to people from back home.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 06-14-2011 at 05:37 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Yes, I think that answers that question nicely, brother.
I myself know very little about the culture and society from another country, so if I ever do decide to find a wife, she would probably have to be from a Western culture. I'm not saying that I would never marry a woman who was raised in another country, but I think a relationship with her and her family would be more difficult. I don't speak any Asian languages, for one thing. I'm not familiar with Eastern cultural nuances and subtleties for another. So for myself, I think a woman from a Western society would be best.
Yes, I think that answers that question nicely, brother.
I myself know very little about the culture and society from another country, so if I ever do decide to find a wife, she would probably have to be from a Western culture. I'm not saying that I would never marry a woman who was raised in another country, but I think a relationship with her and her family would be more difficult. I don't speak any Asian languages, for one thing. I'm not familiar with Eastern cultural nuances and subtleties for another. So for myself, I think a woman from a Western society would be best.
Well if you did marry an asian girl from the west I don't think you would have to worry about not knowing the language because there's quite a few 3rd generation families, my mum and uncles speaks english, it's only my grand parents who don't speak English.
However if you happen to meet a girl who is 2nd generation and her parents don't speak English, then they may not be happy because they won't be able to communicate with you. But again it's impossible to apply a generalization because I also know of families where the son in law can't speak the same language as the girls parents and her parents don't mind. It's great for him he loves it, no nagging mother in law
You know bro I think it all depends on the type of people you will meet and what they'll be happy with.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Ukhti, not everyone is like that. I'm sure brother Salahudeen or brother Perseveranze wouldn't treat their wives like doormats. They seem like brothers who would care for their wives actually.
I wasnt referring to any of the men on here, i ment culturally blokes go back home cos they want some1 whose a doormat and who they know is pure. MIL's are happier with girls that know how to do all the chores and that know how to keep it zipped. Im only saying what ive seen, & I know you shouldnt generalise, but its hard not too, when you see the same thing ova and over again.
format_quote Originally Posted by Perseveranze
Asalaamu Alaikum,
That is not true in all cases, though I can understand what you mean. It is due to a lack of understanding of Deen and more down to cultural influence.
Asalaamu Alaikum,
I apologise if I gave the wrong impression with my statement. I meant to simply say that "some" people can be very pickey and thus settle for marrying from "home". Though much of this is also culturally influenced.
As for treating women, I'm thankful to Allah(swt) for being more influenced by the teachings of Islam than my culture and pray Inshallah that it would be the same for everyone else.
I agree its a culture thing, thats pushed onto kids, and they just dont know anything else. I personally dont think its pickey, its just convenient. 1 of my friends actually sed to me a while back that she wud marry from " back home " cos then the inlaws are ova there, theres no family to worry of or sticking their oars in and also that the guy wud be nice, cos of the fact that she had brought him ova to UK, so in a way he wud be indebted and not do anything wrong.
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
Hey sis, I understand some men take it too far to the point the wife becomes a slave and nothing more, i.e they don't show much love and affection, just "Woman do this" "woman do that" however some women from over there, may believe this is the way husband and wife should be so they don't see it as them selves getting treated like doormats, they look at it as if, "this is how a wife should be". Because they were raised in such a way by their mother and father to all ways be obedient to the husband no matter what.
And I don't believe there's anything wrong with a wife having this belief, however the problem comes when the men take advantage and do not fulfill her rights. So they take, take, take and never give anything in return.
The majority of them are doormats right ?? they end up getting married to some dude, then expected to cook/clean/breed forever, what about what they want out of life ? yeh ive seen some blokes take it far, but them girls are 2 scared to say anything cos of their upbringing they think they shud stay quite. I know its the way people are raised, but its like there not even given a chance to think for themselves cos of the way they are brought up. I know girls that have got married from UK to dudes over there, and again within time they end up doormats.
I agree, thats cos they dont know about deen and more importantly them girls dont know what rights we get in islam. I dont mean to generalise i just really feel sorry for them girls. Obviously if both parties had good understanding of the deen then its different, & I guess it depends on the area the person is from.
Well if you did marry an asian girl from the west I don't think you would have to worry about not knowing the language because there's quite a few 3rd generation families, my mum and uncles speaks english, it's only my grand parents who don't speak English.
However if you happen to meet a girl who is 2nd generation and her parents don't speak English, then they may not be happy because they won't be able to communicate with you. But again it's impossible to apply a generalization because I also know of families where the son in law can't speak the same language as the girls parents and her parents don't mind. It's great for him he loves it, no nagging mother in law
You know bro I think it all depends on the type of people you will meet and what they'll be happy with.
The no nagging mother in law part sounds fine with me.
I'll worry about that when the time comes, though. I still have to deal with my own family's reaction to my conversion to Islam before I can even think about finding a wife...
Guestfellow, I'm far too lazy to have any motivation to do anything resembling work. It is one of my shortcomings.
Salaam
:/ I can be lazy too but in a different way, especially when it comes to shopping. I hate shopping....
format_quote Originally Posted by Just a Guy
Ok, I have a question now...
Is there a noticable difference between Muslims raised in Western society and Muslims raised in a traditional Islamic society? Being new to Islam, I have yet to notice the subtle differences in individuals from various backgrounds.
I'm not sure and I should know the answer to this one. :/
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
It actually feels good and pleasing when you see the end result. When things are a mess I feel unorganized and cluttered, I end up putting things off until everything is tidy and clean cos then I feel organised and efficient. I also get depressed when the place is a mess I've noticed this, I don't feel good, however when everything is clean I feel in a good mood. Weird I know.
I feel like this too. We are both weirdos. XD
format_quote Originally Posted by Just a Guy
The no nagging mother in law part sounds fine with me.
I'll worry about that when the time comes, though. I still have to deal with my own family's reaction to my conversion to Islam before I can even think about finding a wife...
I find nagging people funny. My grandpa was like this:
"Why are you getting up, sit down and finish your dinner before you wander off!"
"Close the door, I said close the door PROPERLY!"
"Get the remote control and change the channel for me!"
"Put the volume down, turn the TV off, get me a pear from the fridge!"
"Why are you talking for, be quiet!"
My grandpa was the best.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
:/ I can be lazy too but in a different way, especially when it comes to shopping. I hate shopping....
I'm the same, I don't like going round from shop to shop looking, I just go into 1 shop buy what I need, go home.
I feel like this too. We are both weirdos. XD
I find nagging people funny. My grandpa was like this:
"Why are you getting up, sit down and finish your dinner before you wander off!"
"Close the door, I said close the door PROPERLY!"
"Get the remote control and change the channel for me!"
"Put the volume down, turn the TV off, get me a pear from the fridge!"
"Why are you talking for, be quiet!"
My grandpa was the best
I don't know your grandpa but I like the sound of him also
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Yeah, then once he saw that you have not changed except for the better he might have gotten used to the idea and liked it
Brother, that is what I hope my family will see. That is what I pray every day that they will see, that I am becoming a better man. Then maybe they will accept my decision.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Quote
that way you can just sit back hehe.
I hate generalizations.
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks