Are virginity and purity strongholds in Islam?

[Artic090]

My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.

I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...

Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....

 

[Futuwwa]

I think that Pakistani girl is engaging in self-delusion about how "every girl does it" to cover for her own insecurity on the matter, and that what she said was a snap rebuke to what might have felt to her like a backhanded judgment on her.

We Muslims are only human, just like you. We have our share of sins hidden beneath the surface. As far as it comes to sexual purity though, we are probably still the last bulwark of it in the world. And we manage it without the sex-negativity that the Church Fathers injected into Christianity.

 

[Desert]

Zina is a mind altering sin
the momment you commit it you lose all good

but repentance takes sincerity


I agree that virgin for virgin is like a virtue in marriage

but if someone is non virgin without any zinnaa just because of a divorce or something widow?
then its good virtue as well

the Quraan says and do not come near zinaa...

 

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

The Pakistani girl is, I'm sorry, to say an ignoramus.

I agree with brother Futuwwa that the girl is engaging in self-delusion.

I used to be an atheist and then I turned to Islam soon after college, a girl who by the way also part of a sorority in her early part of collegiate career. I am a virgin, which would have been 100% impossible for me were it not for Islam as I turned to Islam soon after college. I have been tempted as I'm a human being, but I also remind myself why I turned to Islam in the first place, and it was because I 100% believed in its Message. And yes, remaining pure is very difficult. I am also older than you might imagine because I have been to law school and am now working as a professional. But I respect and love Islam; and I plan to stay chaste, whether I marry or not.

Also, I know some Muslim girls, and all the Muslim girls I know are virgins as well (and most Muslim girls I know in the Muslim community are Pakistani). Again, it is because they know that Islam prohibits premarital sex and also because culturally their parents raised them to value purity.

So, I agree with brother Futuwwa on another point: Islam is probably the last bulwark or stronghold against the sinful culture in which we live which glorifies premarital relationships and sex.

Rather than introspect and see how wrong she is for having engaged in premarital sex from a religious and also cultural standpoint, this girl instead broad-brushes women having projected her own choice to not wait and equating that to all women not being willing to wait.

By the way, even when I was an atheist and did not have sex, I had reasons not to have sex, which were not based in religion: 1) I did not have sex because I was kind of disgusted by the men who hit on me in college, because they seemed to not see me as a person but as a body. 2) My best friend when I was 12/13 told me she was pregnant and thereafter disappeared permanently from my life, whether her parents decided to move or because the school penalized her and sent her to another school so she could not negatively influence her peers with her pregnancy. 3) My Christian college friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend and then found out she'd contracted AIDS; she only confided in me as she lost lots of weight too soon. 4) My other Christian friend who was also a youth pastor and went to divinity college was pressured by her pastor boyfriend to engage in sex even though she'd wanted to wait for marriage, and she felt forced throughout the act as she'd made clear to him in the relationship she'd wanted to wait.

So, my advice is to not listen to ignoramuses; yes, there might be some Muslim women who are not virgins because they might have been unable to resist the social or cultural pressure in the West just like people of other faiths or no faith, but I like to think there are many, many Muslim women who are and have chosen to wait till marriage to lose their virginity; and from at least what I believe, they far outnumber ignoramuses like that Pakistani girl with whom you'd talked on the Internet.

Peace.

My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.

I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...

Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

The obsession muslims have with virginity is cultural- as is the backwards notion that somehow a man can get away with it and a woman cant. The Quran is clear in these things. Virginity isnt something to be played around with. On the subject of virginity many muslim men refuse to marry divorcees because of them being a non virgin which is ludicrous in my opinion and often times results in divorcees and rape survivors etc being shunned by muslim comunnities and not getting the help and support they need. The prophet saws himself married non virgins and his only virgin wife was in infact Aisha RA.

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

Zina is a mind altering sin
the momment you commit it you lose all good

but repentance takes sincerity


I agree that virgin for virgin is like a virtue in marriage

but if someone is non virgin without any zinnaa just because of a divorce or something widow?
then its good virtue as well

the Quraan says and do not come near zinaa...

I think if a person sincerely repents and mends their ways they can marry a "pure' person.

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

This whole hymen thing is blown out of proportion as well, and sadly its our cultures that are to blame.There are plenty of women and teen girls who have a broken hymen due to doing rigourous activity and excercise etc. Does this make them less of a virgin? No it does not.

 

[Reminder]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

The Pakistani girl is, I'm sorry, to say an ignoramus.

I agree with brother Futuwwa that the girl is engaging in self-delusion.

I used to be an atheist and then I turned to Islam soon after college, a girl who by the way also part of a sorority in her early part of collegiate career. I am a virgin, which would have been 100% impossible for me were it not for Islam as I turned to Islam soon after college. I have been tempted as I'm a human being, but I also remind myself why I turned to Islam in the first place, and it was because I 100% believed in its Message. And yes, remaining pure is very difficult. I am also older than you might imagine because I have been to law school and am now working as a professional. But I respect and love Islam; and I plan to stay chaste, whether I marry or not.

Also, I know some Muslim girls, and all the Muslim girls I know are virgins as well (and most Muslim girls I know in the Muslim community are Pakistani). Again, it is because they know that Islam prohibits premarital sex and also because culturally their parents raised them to value purity.

So, I agree with brother Futuwwa on another point: Islam is probably the last bulwark or stronghold against the sinful culture in which we live which glorifies premarital relationships and sex.

Rather than introspect and see how wrong she is for having engaged in premarital sex from a religious and also cultural standpoint, this girl instead broad-brushes women having projected her own choice to not wait and equating that to all women not being willing to wait.

By the way, even when I was an atheist and did not have sex, I had reasons not to have sex, which were not based in religion: 1) I did not have sex because I was kind of disgusted by the men who hit on me in college, because they seemed to not see me as a person but as a body. 2) My best friend when I was 12/13 told me she was pregnant and thereafter disappeared permanently from my life, whether her parents decided to move or because the school penalized her and sent her to another school so she could not negatively influence her peers with her pregnancy. 3) My Christian college friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend and then found out she'd contracted AIDS; she only confided in me as she lost lots of weight too soon. 4) My other Christian friend who was also a youth pastor and went to divinity college was pressured by her pastor boyfriend to engage in sex even though she'd wanted to wait for marriage, and she felt forced throughout the act as she'd made clear to him in the relationship she'd wanted to wait.

So, my advice is to not listen to ignoramuses; yes, there might be some Muslim women who are not virgins because they might have been unable to resist the social or cultural pressure in the West just like people of other faiths or no faith, but I like to think there are many, many Muslim women who are and have chosen to wait till marriage to lose their virginity; and from at least what I believe, they far outnumber ignoramuses like that Pakistani girl with whom you'd talked on the Internet.

Peace.

will you marry me please?

 

[azc]

My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?I mean the true purity in body and soul.Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect". I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.But how is possible all this? First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....

yes, virginity and modesty are essential qualities in Islam for both genders, especially for girls. Majority of Muslim girls is still virgin in Muslim society, however, those who are subjected to this modern culture which you mentioned herein are prone to committing fornication.

 

[Umm Malik]

This girl where speaking about her own thinking
We can't say that all the Muslim girls are virgin
But yest the most off them
There are some of girls who have some sins in them life but when it comes to Zina they Know that is a major sin
But Allah is merciful and if his slave make a sincere repentance he will forgive him even if he do a major sin
But there are a lot of Muslim girls who born and die and no men had touched her as our beloved Maryam said
So it's up to the girls practicing her religion
and as we know the most religion is practicing from his followers now is ISLAM

 

[Artic090]

Dear sisters and brothers,
I thank you for your warm support.
I didnt imagine that, in an Islamic forum, we could also talk about these sensitive and private issues.
I tell you the truth: a few years ago, in a Catholic forum, I tried to write my problem but the users began to mortify me saying that I should go to a psychologist, that I wasnt a true Catholic because Jesus forgives everyone, that I was behaving like Hitler with the Jews. The girls began to blame me for bigotry and old-fashioned mentality. And all this because I still believe in pure love, and all i dream is an "innocent" girl with who build a marriage. The Catholic religion doesnt make people free to express their own thoughts without being judged and condemned by Community.

In these days I suffered another bad blow, always from a Pakistani girl.
I posted an AD online because I want to learn the Urdu language, learn to understand The Quran and also learn the Arabic language.
You know, my dream is to find a Pakistani girl and to be accepted by her parents and pakistani community, I want to get closer to that world by learning culture and traditions. I also decided to learn Arabic because without it I can better understand some Islamic concepts.

A Pakistani girl from Florence contacted me (she moved to Italy when she was about 10) to be able to give me Urdu repetitions. I told her about my dream, and she herself (she was honest) told me about her experience, which is that she is Muslim but not very religious and has had premarital relationships with her ex-boyfriends.

I have the feeling that Allah doesnt want to help me realize my dream: i want to be close to the Islamic world, but the Islamic world moves away from me...why what I have always hoped for is shattering like this?

In my area the Pakistani community is very small .... there are very few girls. Some are already married, some are promises spouses, some are singles... but if these singles they behave like western girls.... What hope will I have? None.

- - - Updated - - -

Im totally agree.
Physical virginity is nothing if the moral and spiritual are missing.
Also, the presence of a hymen doesnt mean that she is an absolutely innocent girl, because she may have done other nasty things with men by keeping her hymen intact and making her future husband believe "Oh, look! Im blooding! Do you see, im as pure as an angel!".
I've read a lot of things about it...Not all girls are going to their future husbands all the past! Because they think: "If i tell him what i've done in past, he wont marry me, and my parents move me away from home".

At the same time, the hymen may have broken due to an accident or rape. And for me a girl who was raped remains a virgin anyway (although many say they were raped to justify their non-bleeding, and these girls should be ashamed).

 

[Artic090]

AoA brothes... I ve got other questions about this topic.

Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are marrried i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?

 

[azc]

AoA brothes... I ve got other questions about this topic.

Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are marrried i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?

If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.

 

[fschmidt]

If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.

The sin isn't her past relationships. Her sin is that she is currently lying about them. (In the Old Testament, this is punishable by death.) I don't see how a marriage based on lies is a valid marriage.

 

[azc]

The sin isn't her past relationships. Her sin is that she is currently lying about them. (In the Old Testament, this is punishable by death.) I don't see how a marriage based on lies is a valid marriage.

Now what do you expect from her ? You mean she should say that she had relationship with a man.

No, never, common lady will lie to protect her marriage ties intact. It is natural.

Btw, Have you never been in illegal relationship with any girl till date...?

If the man has this kind of relationship with any lady he is forgiven but if a lady has such relationship then she is like a ----. This thinking is disgusting.

Fornication is haram for both the genders, it isn't confined to ladies only.

Marriage isn't a game. Keep your opened before marriage but once your married then close your eyes and trust your wife. She will certainly be proven as a good wife, however, if cuckolds after the marriage then divorce may be sought

 

[Artic090]

If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.

How can you accept it? She lied to you, she cheated you in a brutal way. Do you think is a good thing build a marriage over a lie? And how can you look into her eyes after it? I was sure that i get married a good woman, but i just married an actress.

 

[azc]

How can you accept it? She lied to you, she cheated you in a brutal way. Do you think is a good thing build a marriage over a lie? And how can you look into her eyes after it? I was sure that i get married a good woman, but i just married an actress.

If you've already decided to quash this bond then do as you wish.

I'm not like you. If my wife were like yours, I would forgive her.

 

[Artic090]

Now what do you expect from her ? You mean she should say that she had relationship with a man.

No, never, common lady will lie to protect her marriage ties intact. It is natural.

Btw, Have you never been in illegal relationship with any girl till date...?

If the man has this kind of relationship with any lady he is forgiven but if a lady has such relationship then she is like a ----. This thinking is disgusting.

Fornication is haram for both the genders, it isn't confined to ladies only.

Marriage isn't a game. Keep your opened before marriage but once your married then close your eyes and trust your wife. She will certainly be proven as a good wife, however, if cuckolds after the marriage then divorce may be sought

Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.

 

[your_ukht]

Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.

Peace be upon you brother
That's a good thing in this time and age, all praises be to Allah.

Just don't loose hope and trust Allah (SWT) . Everyday ask Allah SWT to reward you with a pious good woman.

ALLAH (SWT) says in the Qur'an:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable. ( Surah Noor, ayah 26 ).

Hope the best for you!
In the care of Allah

 

[azc]

Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.

Are you sure of your wife being involved in fornication before marriage...?

It's highly serious allegation. If you have solid proof for what you have said about her, you can go for Li'an, then you can divorce her immediately.

Or

Was she involved in friendship only...?

If You have decided to divorce her, who I am to stop you....but for God sake, don't make a fuss.

I think Allah swt chooses the woman for us as our life partner, if you agree then abstain from divorce, if not then do as you wish.

Surah an-Nur Ayah 26:

''Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.''