Confused about: Lower Your Gaze

C

crimsontide06

IB Veteran
Messages
764
Reaction score
59
Gender
Male
Religion
Islam
I have seen this phrase everywhere but it got me to thinking. If I am looking a woman in the eyes while speaking to her, this is considered respectful but if I lower my gaze, I am looking at her neck, arms,body, legs...etc...which is perverted and disrespectful.

What does "lower your gaze" actually mean?
 
crimsontide06 said:
I have seen this phrase everywhere but it got me to thinking. If I am looking a woman in the eyes while speaking to her, this is considered respectful but if I lower my gaze, I am looking at her neck, arms,body, legs...etc...which is perverted and disrespectful.

What does "lower your gaze" actually mean?
Click to expand...

When you are walking in the street or at work or whatever, just look towards the floor area, not to let your eyes wander? Sure if you're talking to a women at work then make eye contact but eyes are not part of her awrah so it's ok to look there :)
 
It is said that we need to lower our gazes to protect us from committing zina (adultery). Allah says in the Quran:

{And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allâh forgives him)}. Surah 17:31

So according to this we should not come near to the unlawful act of adultery. It is considered that looking to women could lead to zina, in Islam. At least we can say, that the gaze is always the first step. Allah also says in the Quran:

{Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do.} Surah 24:29

When we e.g shake hands with non-Mahram women (which is not permissible), we are crossing a red line, that is our scale. So lowering the gaze means in first line to avoid looking and talking or interacting on other means to women that are not allowed for us. May Allah protect us.

There is also an hadith (may be one of you guys can post it), where RasulAllah sallahu alaihi wa sallam, tells us, that every illegal gaze is a poisoned arrow into men heart.

May Allah make us of those who follow the path of guidance. Amin.

Everything that is correct is from Allah, everything that is wrong is from my soul and from shaitan.
 
Last edited:
One thing that make women have positive view on me is my ability of controlling gaze. I never stare at a woman if unnecessary. And when I talk with a woman I am always able to controlling my mind, and don't see her with lustful eyes. The women can see it from my attitude and expression when I interact with them. But how can I have this ability?.

I was born in family which advanced in mindset, open minded, but very conservative in manner and etiquette. Since I was kid I have been taught to guard my self image. I was taught that someone would have a view on me based on how I see him/her. It made me know that if a stare at woman unnecessary, and see a woman with lustful eyes, then she would have negative view on me. So I learn to controlling my gaze and my desire because I didn't want women have negative view on me.

I make ability of controlling gaze as part of my beauty. :)
 
"Lower your gaze" means you shouldn't be looking at her. If you really need to speak to her (out of necessity) then look at the floor.
 
Saleem Khan said:
"Lower your gaze" means you shouldn't be looking at her. If you really need to speak to her (out of necessity) then look at the floor.
Click to expand...
:sl:

Ulama in my place do not interpret "lowering gaze" literally, but interpret is as "not look at woman with lust, not look at women if unnecessary". I've never found any aleem or Islamic teacher who look at the floor when talk with a woman.
 
Assalaamu alaikum,

I found the following that I thought may be of help:


Guidelines for Interacting With the Opposite Sex

DECEMBER 29, 2010 BY EDITOR
email-1.png


Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: Being put in situations with women leaves me confused with no idea about how to interact with them. I know the issues of khalwa and modesty are important, but I don’t really understand what they practically mean or how to put everything together. Could you provide some detailed guidelines on how brothers should interact with sisters in a way that is completely in line with the shariah?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Praise be to Allah. May His peace and blessings shower upon our beloved Messenger. May Allah reward you for seeking knowledge of His deen.

In Islam, interactions between the sexes are permitted within certain limits specified by the Quran and the Sunna. To some, these limits might appear to be very strict. However, there is a divine wisdom underpinning the limits set down by the Shariah. In adhering to the boundaries set by the Sharia, we can uphold the Quranic command to the believing men and women to be awliya of one another, or protecting friends, while at the same time maintaining the modesty and purity of heart that come from obeying Allah and His Messenger in this regard.

In brief, when interacting with a woman who is not a member of your unmarriageable kin or your wife, you must avoid khalwa, or seclusion; guard your gaze; and obviously, avoid any physical contact.

In more detail:

Khalwa

Khalwa takes place when one man or more than one man are alone with one woman in a place where no one can see them or enter. If there are two women and a man, for example, this is not khalwa. However, when there is only one woman, this situation is considered as seclusion, and becomes unlawful. Obviously, this is for the protection of the woman and the man (or men) so that a situation will not arise where the male becomes tempted and the woman possibly harmed.
If you are in a situation where you are in a room with two or more women, this is not khalwa and there is no need for you to be uncomfortable.

Guard Your Gaze

Guarding your gaze is a good practice that fosters modest interaction between the sexes. The Quran commands both believing men and women to guard their gaze. Unfortunately, many Muslims have lost this practice. What guarding the gaze means is that you should refrain from staring at a woman’s face (if she’s not a member of your unmarriageable kin or your wife). It does not mean keeping one’s eyes glued to the ground. In Western societies, guarding one’s gaze can sometimes be interpreted as a lack of assertiveness or respect for the other person.

However, with Muslims, guarding one’s gaze indicates respect for the other person’s space and modesty of intention. Our scholars have said that looking at a woman’s face is permitted in certain occasions. For example, if you are seeking a woman in marriage, it is permitted to look at her face. If you work in any type of job that requires you to look at people and interact with them, looking is permitted as long as you don’t look with desire. If you are a teacher, looking at your female students is permitted as long as you don’t look more than necessary or with desire. In short, be modest and respectful.

If You Can’t Look, You Can’t Touch

According to the Shariah, where looking is not permitted, then touching is also unlawful. This can be a sensitive topic for Muslims living in the West where handshaking is commonplace and is considered a polite thing to do. Shaking the hand of someone from the opposite sex is unlawful.

According to our scholars, the Prophet, peace be upon him, never shook the hand of a woman who was not a member of his unmarriageable kin or his wife. So you should do your utmost to avoid shaking hands. But try to do it in a way that does not offend the other person. For many non-Muslims, if you simply explain to them that your religion (or culture) does not permit shaking hands and that you mean no offense, then usually people are okay with that.

Covering the Awrah (Nakedness)

Covering the awrah or one’s nakedness. Another requirement of interaction between the sexes is that everyone should observe Islamic modesty or covering the awrah. For men, this means covering what’s between the navel and the knee. For women, this means covering the whole body except the face and hands. Obviously, this is possible in a Muslim gathering. But there are very few places in this world where you will encounter women who are always covered. Obviously, if you live and work in the West, everyday you will see women who are not properly covered. What you need to do here is to simply be modest, behave respectfully, and avoid looking at women without need.

Conclusion

In conclusion, when you find yourself in a situation with women, Muslim or otherwise, simply be modest and respectful. There is no problem with talking to a member of the opposite sex or working with that person when there is a need. As long as we adhere to these boundaries, inshallah everything should be fine.

There is no need to be uncomfortable when there are women around. I have seen some Muslim brothers who when they sight a woman or hear her voice, immediately start scowling or act very tense. This is unnecessary. I have also seen Muslim brothers who feel very comfortable chatting with non-Muslim women, but as soon as a Muslim woman comes around, they ignore her and won’t even give salaams. This too is unnecessary and looks very strange to the non-Muslim observers.

What’s important to remember here is the example of our Prophet, peace be upon him. He was modest, respectful, and kind to everyone. He also interacted with women when there was a need to do so. He is the best example for us.

I hope this is helpful to you.

And Allah alone gives success. And Allah knows best.

(Umm Salah) Zaynab Ansari

http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2010/12/29/guidelines-for-interacting-with-the-opposite-sex/
 
:salam:

Gaze means to:

to look steadily and intently, as with great curiosity, interest, pleasure, or wonder.

Don't look unneccessarily. Don't look with desire, and don't stare without desire. Idk tho how to lower the gaze. I restrain my heart from desires.

Don't look at the awrah of women. Afaik, the face isn't awrah, but you should NOT look at it with desire, or stare at it without desire. Only out of necessity.

Idk really know how to lower the gaze, but I was taught to not see, look, etc. with desire or unnecessarily.
May Allah SWT forgive us. Ameen.
Allahu alam.
 
Last edited:
Assalamu alaykum,

To literally lower one's gaze when speaking to a member of the opposite sex would across as very strange where I live. I believe if you do need to talk to them, keep the conversation short and don't stare *right* at them - besides to keep constant eye contact can be considered rude too. Whilst on the streets, then it is easier to simply control yourself and not look.

That handshaking thing can be a real problem as well. I find it especially awkward when I have to refuse someone who is older than me, for example when my examinations officer held out his hand - I kind of smile and say in my religion I don't shake hands. Before I used to dread doing it, but while I still find it awkward, people don't mind too much alhamdulillah.

If a Muslim guy holds out his hand, I give him this *:skeleton:* look and he never does it again.
 
Alaikum wa salam,

Nowadays, it is very important to protect your eyes from the forbidden. It always was, but now there is much more fitna.... Everywhere you go.
 
SubhanAllah, that's true. Out on the streets, on the television, online even...to have a 'hijab' of the eyes is so important, because one thing can lead to another so quickly.
 
noraina said:
That handshaking thing can be a real problem as well. I find it especially awkward when I have to refuse someone who is older than me, for example when my examinations officer held out his hand - I kind of smile and say in my religion I don't shake hands. Before I used to dread doing it, but while I still find it awkward, people don't mind too much alhamdulillah.
Click to expand...

When I come into such a situation, I say something like: "can we not shake hands", hold my hand back and smile. This solves the situation, however, it feels weird indeed. Especially when it's a person who is elder and not really a fitna. Need to find a better way. Nonetheless, it works! Did never happen that one said: "No, we need to shake hands, otherwise I am gonna be very rude to you", hahaha. Though some of them who are not used to it, are surprised at least they look like that.
 
Can I be frank and say that I actually feel more comfortable around non Muslim men such as in school or at the grocery store and so on. For some reason when around Muslim (when I can recognize) men, I feel I am being glared at :/

Also it bothers me when I cannot speak to someone about school or work or something serious and they look at the floor. That I feel is lack of respect, are men always sexual creatures that they can't hold a respectful look at the persons face in a conversation? Hence I avoid even talking to Muslim men at school.

As for the shaking hands I have adopted the Korean greeting lol. You just literally kind of bow in respect and if someone reaches to shake your hand, I just say "I don't shake hands with men" and I kind of bow my head a little in respect. Although most people won't bother shaking your hand, I am also a germophobe ....
 
Bhabha said:
Can I be frank and say that I actually feel more comfortable around non Muslim men such as in school or at the grocery store and so on. For some reason when around Muslim (when I can recognize) men, I feel I am being glared at :/

Also it bothers me when I cannot speak to someone about school or work or something serious and they look at the floor. That I feel is lack of respect, are men always sexual creatures that they can't hold a respectful look at the persons face in a conversation? Hence I avoid even talking to Muslim men at school.

As for the shaking hands I have adopted the Korean greeting lol. You just literally kind of bow in respect and if someone reaches to shake your hand, I just say "I don't shake hands with men" and I kind of bow my head a little in respect. Although most people won't bother shaking your hand, I am also a germophobe ....
Click to expand...

Afaik, bowing to anyone, except Allah SWT. Is haram.

https://islamqa.info/en/20198
And Allah SWT knows best.
 
Kneeling and bowing so different. But slightly lowering your head like a greeting is not worshipping. But a sign of respect specially elders. It is not prostrating.........[emoji28][emoji28][emoji28]

Bowing is the lowering of the head like a look down on the floor and a slight tilt. Kneeling and thus prostrating is entirely different.
 
I was once listening to a lecture where the speaker touched on a topic somewhat similar and he told the story of a college/uni (i don't recall which) young man, and he was always guarding himself spiritually and focusing on his studies.

There was this really beautiful girl who most of the boys used to try to flirt with but this one young man would divert his gaze and if she spoke to him, he wpuld reply very respectfully.
This self control and discipline intrigued her and got her interested, she asked him about his reservedness etc and he explained - she was even more interested and would come and spend time asking him questions (maybe out of interest or an excuse to talk to him or both - God knows),
anyways she ended up accepting Islam and he ended up marrying her lol.


Moral:
praying is better than preying.
 
Last edited:
Lowering your gaze simply means to stop watching that which is not permissible. If you are struggling about this please check out this article on how exactly to lower your gaze Insha Allah: How exactly to lower your gaze

Jazakallah Khairan Katheeran
 
crimsontide06 said:
I have seen this phrase everywhere but it got me to thinking. If I am looking a woman in the eyes while speaking to her, this is considered respectful but if I lower my gaze, I am looking at her neck, arms,body, legs...etc...which is perverted and disrespectful.

What does "lower your gaze" actually mean?
Click to expand...

Asalaamualaykum:
There are two different issues here although one is a possible consequence of the other.
Before I continue- please remember this Ayah applies to both genders.

Lowering the Gaze.
This is as unambiguous as it sounds and appears. It simply means refraining from looking so that lust and illicit thoughts creep in your heart.

It should be done in such a way, that even the lowering of the gaze doesn’t create a cyclic problem of attracting attentions on oneself.

I used to work with someone in an Islamic school, and whenever sisters used to cross us, this brother, used to do a complete 180 degree turn in the most animated way possible and whilst doing that- he strangely used to tie the hands as one would in generally in Salaah and physically lower his head. Now the problem with this is although he done the correct action, the very action looked comical and so animated that the sisters found it funny and it became a mockery of the concept of lowering the gaze.
Lowering the gaze should be done so subtly that neither will you look at the opposite gender and neither will the other gender notice you. If you so animated to the point that you have attracted attention, then it will be paradox based on the outcome of the intended action. (which is actually to divert your gaze and equally not gather attention to yourself)

Communication whilst lowering the gaze.
As one of the posters pointed out above, keep it short.

Secondly – unfortunately life doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes a conversation will continue. As another sister pointed out that should you completely look elsewhere, certain people might not even know that you talking to them. I totally agree based on time and place.

As a rule of thumb – what I do is create a virtual point about 20 degrees to her left and right shoulder. I just focus in the direction but keep my focal point beyond her distance so I’m practically facing, not looking directly, but yet within an angle range to at least let her know I’m talking to her and equally responsive to keep a conversation.
 
I view lowering gaze as simply don't look at anything which is gonna make you have "bad" thought. For example id focus on another point.
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top