Crying in Islam

[nunu]

Assalamualaikum,

Recently I went through an emotionally scarring experience that involved death, abandonment and heartbreak. It has been 8 months since the incident happened, and I am still crying every night before I sleep. I don't think I'm depressed, because I'm functioning just fine.

I've read hadiths saying that crying excessively is a sign that I'm being unappreciative of what Allah has given to me. However I don't feel that way, in fact I cry because feel that I deserved what happened to me, yet I am repenting and begging Allah to give me another chance.

Can someone tell me if what I'm feeling is wrong? And how to stop the hurt. Thank you so much.

 

[جوري]

actually it is what is called 'natural grief and bereavement' and you are right it isn't depression..
It is a natural state that you can't force yourself out of .. there is usually a time period of max two yrs, beyond that grief can turn into depression.

You might want to read this to understand better your condition..
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8442&cn=58

also try not to isolate yourself in your grieving process, it actually helps to talk to others who are going through the same thing or have experienced this same loss first hand..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[Sampharo]

Dear nunu,

There is nothing wrong with crying in Islam. As a matter of fact the prophet -pbuh- said that we SHOULD be able to cry, because of fear of God and his punishment, or feeling regret regarding sins and transgressions, it shows sincerity and softens the heart. What you might have read might have been about "excessive" crying as in intensity, as in women crying at funerals and wailing madly, or slapping themselves and tearing their clothes. Whether genuine or acted (yes some families in the Middle East countryside would HIRE wailers!) it is forbidden in Islam.

Crying every night though for such a prolonged period might not be good for your health and you might need to visit a councilor or something to help.

God always knows best

 

[nunu]

thank you so so so so so very much! you have answered my questions, alhamdulillah! may Allah bless the two of you

 

[جوري]

thank you so so so so so very much! you have answered my questions, alhamdulillah! may Allah bless the two of you

I believe you answered the first part for yourself when you wrote:

I've read hadiths saying that crying excessively is a sign that I'm being unappreciative of what Allah has given to me. However I don't feel that way, .

people who are unappreciative are unappreciative regardless of their condition and circumstance!
Normal grief & bereavement is a natural process that should lead to healing and acceptance and if anything it should also make you closer to Allah swt, for who is a better companion in your hour of need?...

you need to understand pls, that it is important when you read ahadith to look at the narrations, and [circumstances behind the prophetic statement] and the commentary. This is why a layman cannot just go to the hadith and try to figure things out themselves, they need to consult with scholars who have done the research. It is a science like any other..

a headache for some people is cured with an aspirin, for others they need a plasma exchange, because the etiology is completely different, you might suffer migraines, someone else suffers from TTP and the thrombotic microangiopathy is causing their headache. so it isn't a one size fits all, and that should be the take home message as a general rule..

I do hope you feel better insha'Allah, I certainly know what it is like to lose loved ones, and the only secret I can think of is to take it one day at a time and not try to force yourself into a state of mind where you are not comfortable being..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[true believer]

actually its GOOD to cry because it softens ur heart, excessive laughter is bad, as it HARDENS our hearts and is from the shaytan. PEACE X

 

[emem.masorong]

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