I have borderline personality disorder, what does this mean for my Islam?

[SintoDinto]

http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/personality-disorders/

here's the part from the article as it is long and includes other illnesses: Borderline Personality Disorder: People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-mutilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.

• Impulsive and risky behavior
  • Volatile relationships
  • Unstable mood
  • Suicidal behavior
  • Fear of being alone

I often find myself obsessively trying to please Allah by respecting my parents (my mother, especially, as my father is distant), and then it backfiring by me snapping at them and then me apologizing over and over, and for some reason i have a fear of doing salatul tauba because i have a fear i will.....be insincere........which leads me to a cycle of guilt. i say a dua for repentance of major sins 3 times, but then i end up doing it dozens of times yet i still dont feel satisfied. i apologize to allah for disrespecting my parents, but i do it again because i am so volatile, due to the borderline. i am afraid of people who i find "sketchy" yet that is pretty much everyone. i end up becoming isolated and that feeds into my loner syndrome. i don't trust even my closest of friends as a general rule. i always try to see how far i can push people, and it backfires because people abandon me, which is what i fear most. i sometimes feel like i have no hope other than to live purely for the sake of not committing suicide, and i often don't know why i am alive and i do not even look forward to going to heaven because either i feel i will not end up there, (despite people commenting i am a wonderful person, lol whatever, if that's what they said, idk), or because i have lost hope that the oppression of the disease will ever end. it simply is not in my imagination that eating fruits and having sex with houris all day long is pleasing because i prefer to struggle in everything in life, or so i have convinced myself, or intellectual pleasure, so to speak. i also feel guilty for physical pleasure. i can not bring this up with my social worker because he is low quality and i can not bring this up with my psychotherapist because she is treating a separate condition which i dare not speak of lest the mods smite me and crush this thread with the hammer. and i can not get a separate psychotherapist because they are VERY expensive. and i can not convince my mother because she is stubborn. and i can not move out because i have no money and i have disabilities.
EDIT: i also am obsessed with not lying. which leads to trouble because i always say "i think....." "or maybe..."

 

[peacefulone]

You have to learn to control your feelings. Bad feelings lead to negative thoughts which trap you in a cycle of self abuse.
Look up though records and use one for all the negative things you wrote in this post. Then once you start to reframe those negative thoughts you will be starting to live a new life.
It takes time to reformat your brain so to speak...but with time, sabr and sincerity you can do it.
Lots of people have been through what you are going through now. You are not alone and not the first one who acts like that.
But do not give up on change. You and anyone can have a new life. It takes preserverence.
salaam alaykum
edit: THOUGHT records not though records

 

[Ahmed.]

You have to practice Islam as much as you are able and if you are prevented by your illness from practicing any part then you're not accountable for that

However you have to get your beliefs and disposition about jannah correct as that could spell disaster for your afterlife.

Despair is against Islam and total despair is kufr, so you have to be hopeful you will go to jannah. And jannah is not just hourines and fruits, there's a billion more aspects to it and we have to believe we will be happy and content there

 

[bint e aisha]

Assalamu alaikum

There is a channel on Telegram that deals with these psychological health issues. Hope it helps.


t.me/Leadstohappiness

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته،

This channel has been created to help and spread awareness about mental health and other related issues. You can talk to us @Besostrong_bot , incase you need any counselling.. Feel free to text us at our bot, we are more than happy to help your'll.

Rules to follow at the bot,

1. Please don't send any forward messages.

2. Respect each other.

4. You can talk to us personally, or may be in group if it is possible to do so.

3. Don't use harsh language.

 

[SintoDinto]

Assalamu alaikum

There is a channel on Telegram that deals with these psychological health issues. Hope it helps.


t.me/Leadstohappiness

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته،

This channel has been created to help and spread awareness about mental health and other related issues. You can talk to us @Besostrong_bot , incase you need any counselling.. Feel free to text us at our bot, we are more than happy to help your'll.

Rules to follow at the bot,

1. Please don't send any forward messages.

2. Respect each other.

4. You can talk to us personally, or may be in group if it is possible to do so.

3. Don't use harsh language.

i dont have a telegram, and i feel weird about uploading a telegram since telegram is illegal in turkey and i intend on visiting turkey once things get better. but i appreciate it.

 

[Mayameen]

Allah says, in the Jannah you will no longer be tired and restless. This life is a prison, a test for the muslim and the Jannah and most importantly seeing Allah are the rewards for the believers. Increase in opitional prayers, dhikr, fast, read Qu'ran everyday even if 1 letter. Talk to Allah especially in sujood, seek His guidance, protection, help and forgiveness. Allah says for every disease there is a cure. Recite Al-Fatihah 7 times, Surah Al-Kafiroon 7 times, The 3 Quls after every Salah, The first 5 ayats of Surah Baqarah, Ayatul Kursi, aya256-257 of Surah Baqarah, 284-286 of Surah Baqarah. In shaa Allah these will help you and build up your protection, strength and guide you close to Allah, the Qur'an is a healing for those who believe. In shaa Allah get a book of du'as that can help as well. Drun zamzam water and say a du'a that will help with whats going on with you. Take black seed and honey, this will also help, make a spray bottle recite 3 Quls and ayatul Kursi over it dry spit 3x times over the water, use it to spray corners of your house and yourself.and have family, friends and muslim community pray for you this help to build barriers and protection for those who believe. This is advice given from scholars and Imams to my family and other muslims I know. May Allah bless this be a healing for you and the healing you need.Ameen

 

[Desert]

I have such mental illness too...

Borderline it's to view life in black and white...
It's cure is to view it in glass half empty...

When I get my borderline moments I'm forced to do kufr...*tears*

Borderline kufr and shirk...

You always have to have hope in Allaah that Allah will give you a way out of your problems

As long as you turn to Allah you don't need to have axienty of borderline...

sometimes I feel I should have been a more kind person in my life and not lose my loved ones...

 

[Desert]

I meant the key is thankfulness to Allah

Example I got carrots instead of patatoes my favorite I should be thankful to Allah

Accept divine decree...be thankful...

 

[SintoDinto]

i dont have a telegram, and i feel weird about uploading a telegram since telegram is illegal in turkey and i intend on visiting turkey once things get better. but i appreciate it.

oh actually i dont think telegram is illegal in turkey i might check it out.

 

[Amyy]

How u did kufr I mean tell me exactly what was on going ? Your which action leads to you borderline personality disorder

 

[SintoDinto]

How u did kufr I mean tell me exactly what was on going ? Your which action leads to you borderline personality disorder

I may not actually have BPD I may have CPTSD. Which resembles it. Some of my symptoms appear to be going away with therapy. CPTSD means complex post traumatic stress disorder and it is similar to borderline personality disorder in that both can be caused by bad childhoods, but in the case of cptsd, repeated events or a continuous line of events, whereas bpd may be caused by one event which I will not name for fear of triggering members here but it can also be caused by genetics. Mine was caused by long term trauma. I apologize if it seemed like I was trying to do kufr on purpose. If I did it by accident, astaghfirullah. I have communication difficulties, I'm also on the spectrum.

 

[SintoDinto]

Bpd can also be caused by long term trauma or abuse

 

[SintoDinto]

The difference between bpd and ptsd is that bpd is a fear of abandonment and lack of identity whereas ptsd is a fear of the event