I'm a muslim girl whos going to have to share a room at university HELP please

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aa009

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Salam alaikum brothers and sisters,
i joined islamic board to inshallah find guidance as i head off to university does anyone have any tips as i'm a muslim girl who wears a hijab and unfortunately has to share a room at university with someone i don't know. (I cannot live at home as i risk failing my degree as i almost did during a levels) . I plan to join the muslim society at university but are there any other tips any one could give any will be appreciated i don't want to lose my religion as my family aren't there to watch me and tell me if what i'm doing is wrong. thank you for any help brothers and sisters.

Please brothers and sisters i'm so scared of being challenged by fellow colleagues about my religion and being tricked into drinking alcohol by an unfriendly roommate or something else along the that lines.
I dont want my roommate to hate me from the start but i'm worries she might have a boyfriend and wants to bring him back to our room or worse. Does anyone know how to live halal in such a situation..the university is an oppurtunity of a lifetime but i'm going to miss my family so much and I'm scared i might lose faith at such a difficult course as i almost did during my a levels ( i really dont want to repeat the same mistakes)
Really sorry for the long thread
 
Wa alaykum salam,

Are there any other options beside sharing? I assume you're going down the uni halls route but maybe if you tried contacted the ISOC/MSA and asked around to see if anyone has any rooms available for a sister. Usually groups of sisters get together and rent a place - see if there are any places with a room available. InshaAllah there is bound to be something somewhere.
 
In which country to you live, sister aa009?
 
Alpha Dude said:
Wa alaykum salam,

Are there any other options beside sharing? I assume you're going down the uni halls route but maybe if you tried contacted the ISOC/MSA and asked around to see if anyone has any rooms available for a sister. Usually groups of sisters get together and rent a place - see if there are any places with a room available. InshaAllah there is bound to be something somewhere.
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thank you all for your advice, i live in the UK my university has made it extremely clear that if i dont take this shared room thers nothing else available, and seen as this is my first year of university i dont know any muslims whom i could rent a place with. and the only useful accomodation given is that given by the university but i understand that living with people whom are not muslim is extremely difficult if not haram? if i live at home i will end up ruining my degree because i have a difficult family (its not their fault, my 2 younger siblings are autistic and its extremely difficult getting any peace and quiet to revise)
 
This is also something else i would like to discuss brothers and sisters
It's just that i'm worried about leaving my family to cope by themselves: i have two younger siblings who have autism and two parents who are not young enough nor do they have much energy to handle the struggles of having autistic children alone. my parents relationship is on the brinx of collapse and my autistic siblings are extremely difficult to handle:they are socially unaware and must be watched all the time as they can get lost easily if out an about,now they've entered high school and unfortunately can be really horrible (again not their fault they dont understand what they're doing) i don't want to go in too much detail they're good kids its not their fault they are this way but i still worry about my parents very much. We don't have any help from outside family so i have no idea whose going to help them out. could someone please give me some advice im on my last tether and have no idea who to seek. I also worry about my brothers future where will they be will i have to care for them and quit university if anything happens to my parents? Could my younger siblings ever have a normal life? Or are they doomed to have no future because of their condition? Financially we are also unstable and my mother suffers from severe depression (understandable i guess) please could someone give me some guidance? I'm on my last tether everywhere i go all i get is resistance. any help at all will be greatly appreciated. thank you.
 
May Allah make things easy for you and your family dear sister. Aameen.
i live in the UK my university has made it extremely clear that if i dont take this shared room thers nothing else available
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I actually mean rather than going for something the university provides, look around for any rooms going in which a group of muslim sisters have joined up to share a house. What usually happens is in the first year, people stay in halls of residence but then in the second year they have to find their own places and so team up with friends and rent private houses etc.

I know you don't know anyone but it's worth contacting the Islamic society of your university and requesting them to guide you to any available rooms in a house full of sisters. They should be helpful in guiding you inshaAllah.
 
:salamext: sister,

To find a place to live, you could also put a notice out to any local Masjid near the university if there is one. You might even be able to delay staying away from home for the first couple of months or so, until you find a suitable place, because usually work is not so intensive straight away. In this time you might meet sisters on your course who can help.

A question to consider is whether you really need to be away from home. If the main issue is having time for yourself and getting peace and quiet, would it not be possible to go to the library on a regular basis, or find a quiet time maybe when your siblings are asleep, etc? You have probably already tried it...

About looking after your siblings, there might be support services that could be able to help. Very often there is help and support available for families but they are not well known about or promoted. For example, you can check on websites such as:
http://www.autism.org.uk/our-servic...t/parent-and-family-training-and-support.aspx
http://www.autism-care.com/?gclid=CLeGwvzYurICFUdvfAod724AXg

And ask any carers or other families coping with autism for services they can recommend to help you.

Above all, make du'a for yourself and your family and always keep a positive approach. Support your parents as much as you can and remember that everything is in the control of Allaah (swt). May Allaah (swt) make it easy for all of you and grant you the best in this dunya and aakhirah, Aameen.
 
aa009 said:
This is also something else i would like to discuss brothers and sisters
It's just that i'm worried about leaving my family to cope by themselves: i have two younger siblings who have autism and two parents who are not young enough nor do they have much energy to handle the struggles of having autistic children alone. my parents relationship is on the brinx of collapse and my autistic siblings are extremely difficult to handle:they are socially unaware and must be watched all the time as they can get lost easily if out an about,now they've entered high school and unfortunately can be really horrible (again not their fault they dont understand what they're doing) i don't want to go in too much detail they're good kids its not their fault they are this way but i still worry about my parents very much. We don't have any help from outside family so i have no idea whose going to help them out. could someone please give me some advice im on my last tether and have no idea who to seek. I also worry about my brothers future where will they be will i have to care for them and quit university if anything happens to my parents? Could my younger siblings ever have a normal life? Or are they doomed to have no future because of their condition? Financially we are also unstable and my mother suffers from severe depression (understandable i guess) please could someone give me some guidance? I'm on my last tether everywhere i go all i get is resistance. any help at all will be greatly appreciated. thank you.
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Oh sweetie, don't worry so much!

My daughter did her A-levels this year. Although she is taking a gap year to earn some money and decide what it is she wants to do, she is likely to go off to uni next year.

Many of her friends are in the same situations as you. Believe me, they are all nervous and anxious at this moment in time! You are not the only one.
Moving away from home and living without the people you love and are familiar with is a BIG step!

Give yourself a little while. By the end of the year, you will know how you are getting on with your flatmate; whether you have made like-minded friends; and how your family are doing back home.
You can always change your mind and come back home, can't you?

Give yourself, your flatmate and your family a chance.
This step could be the best thing you ever do. And if not, you can always go back home.

I wish you the very best for the weeks and months to come.


With regards to your brothers, there should be provisions for their care, if their condition is serious enough to warrant it. Are they younger than you and still in school? Do they receive special educational support?
If they do, they should also receive support from social services when they leave school ...
 
thank you all for your advice you have no idea how much this means to me i have never been able to speak openly about my siblings condition, as when i tried in the past to tell only close friends i felt i realised they were not true friends because none of them realised how difficult my family's life is, i guess i always expected more from them as if i knew of friends and family who had a similar situation i would do what i could to help. i guess its just ignorance though i can't judge them for what they don't know of.
I will inshallah pray for my family to be ok without me if need be and inshallah i will contact the islamic society at my university this seems sensible, as for seeking accomodation elsewhere its not simple nor is it of benefit to me as it'll be far away from campus and with other students I would probably prefer to live at home, which i'm now considering. If i do choose to do this i would have to go to the library yes which is what i did in the past, only in the past it was so difficult to keep positive because the library close by was not open late( and after university it will be vlosed) and so i slumped into depression as i could not keep up with the workload, as a result i didnt do as well as i shouldve in exams (its my fault completely i should've had more faith and also i found it difficult to accept how difficult it was for me to get time to revise at home when my friends are all very bright and never had any family issues which held them back from revision i found myself comparing myself to them and of course this was not helpful and made me become more negative about my future, this is why i fear staying at home for university will bring about the same problems as it did in my a levels) either way whatever decision i make, i feel im doomed.
But thank you all for taking the time to read my posts and help inshallah allah (swt) will reward you greatly for it as i've said before its hard to speak about my family, and inshallah our prayers will be answered.
 
I hope all goes well for you. Out of interest, what are you going to study?
 
its my fault completely i should've had more faith and also i found it difficult to accept how difficult it was for me to get time to revise at home when my friends are all very bright and never had any family issues which held them back from revision i found myself comparing myself to them and of course this was not helpful and made me become more negative about my future
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Everything happens for a reason. Allah is the best of planners. Each and every hardship has a virtue behind it. Please try to be patient during it and strive to be content with what Allah tests you with and be accepting of whatever Allah decrees. Contentment is a treasure, sister.

Allah is as you think him to be, so be patient and optimistic that everything will work out in the end.
 
glo said:


Oh sweetie, don't worry so much!

My daughter did her A-levels this year. Although she is taking a gap year to earn some money and decide what it is she wants to do, she is likely to go off to uni next year.

Many of her friends are in the same situations as you. Believe me, they are all nervous and anxious at this moment in time! You are not the only one.
Moving away from home and living without the people you love and are familiar with is a BIG step!

Give yourself a little while. By the end of the year, you will know how you are getting on with your flatmate; whether you have made like-minded friends; and how your family are doing back home.
You can always change your mind and come back home, can't you?

Give yourself, your flatmate and your family a chance.
This step could be the best thing you ever do. And if not, you can always go back home.

I wish you the very best for the weeks and months to come.


With regards to your brothers, there should be provisions for their care, if their condition is serious enough to warrant it. Are they younger than you and still in school? Do they receive special educational support?
If they do, they should also receive support from social services when they leave school ...
Click to expand...

thank you sister for your kind words this is reassuring i may try it out the shared room for a little while but i fear my roomate might not enjoy living with me because i dont drink and may have to pray in the mornings, but again you're right i could just come back home.
As for my autistic siblings theyve just entered high school my family receive disability allowances on their behalf, but they are extremely naughty and rude to my family its brings us all to tears how we cannot handle them, they're also getting taller and stronger and can already hit my mother quite hard as i'm writing this i've had to break up a fight between my siblings and prevent one with strangers outisde as my brother was trying to take pictures of them without asking (they dont have social awareness and my area can be rough). thankfully i know they recieve of some educational support with regards to school uniform thank God but i wasnt aware they would receive support from social services when they leave school alhamdulilah this is a nice blessing and makes me feel a little better. But they never stop fighting and their speech is worrying i worry their condition may get worse if im off in uni as im the one who makes sure they do homework or reading as my parents are often too tired and now they're fighting again and my mother is trying to handle it but it only makes matters worse.
but like you said maybe the decision will be a good one i wont know till i try, thank you again for your support sister it means so so much to me.
 
aa009 said:
thank you sister for your kind words this is reassuring i may try it out the shared room for a little while but i fear my roomate might not enjoy living with me because i dont drink and may have to pray in the mornings
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Salam alaykum;

how you are so sure that your roommate expect you to drink? She might be as scared right now than you are like "what if my roommate doesn´t like me".

We should learn to live our life by the way that we don´t worry things before they have even happened. I know it is not easy as our imagination many times finds the worst possibilities when we are unsure about something.

Just try to calm down a little and listen sister glo. I too like her words.

:statisfie
 
my advice is dont move.


in all sincerity....


its near enough impossible to preserve your islam in those types of accomodations especially, (YES ESPECIALLY) as a girl!


I say this from close personal experience
 
Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

Welcome to IB : )

My sister, this is a very important decision that you are taking in your life.

Its one of those moments in life - where a single decision - makes a profound impact on the rest of your lifes course.

So, its at these moments, we should contemplate on our plans for life, and turn to Allah (subhanawataála) for guidance.

Can you inform us of the following:

1. What degree are you pursuing?

2. Is it possible to study this degree on-line/ via correspondance from home?

3. If it is indeed necessary to study at this university, would it be possible for you to commute to campus at least for the first few months (and in that interim, actively search for rental in a muslim household)?

4. And if you have NO other choice but to stay at the university residence - would it be a female-only residence or co-ed (male and female)?

I will await the responses to these questions.
Insha Allah, you will allow me to give you some advice from an aging soul as myself : )

When I was studying at university, it was necessary for me to leave my hometown, to study in another province ~600km away.
As I had no family in this area, I stayed at the university residence for the first 3 years of my studies.

I told myself that I would not give in to peer-pressure (in fact in my first week at residence, I locked myself in my room at night because I did not want to get involved in the madness called 'Initiation of the First Years'......the seniors werent too happy about this, lol).
Alhamdulillah, Ive never entered a night-club in my life (although I was invited almost every week-end in the first year.....eventually they get the idea, and give up : ) ), and I managed to distance myself from most fitnahs of campus life.
But not all.

Staying away from home definitely matures and builds responsibility.
However, it does come at a price (in many cases).

Being in the company of non-muslims is not healthy for ones imaan.
Shaytaan is always in the midst of this company - and its the 'minor sins' that one gets involved in, that accumalates with time, without one even noticing it.

Looking back now, I recognise how this impacted on my relationship with Allah during those years - and its truly, only through His mercy that I can see with clearer eyes again.
Alhamdulillah.

Apart from this, also realise the 'life of a residence-dweller':
- If you are sharing a room, and if your room-mate has the morals of a squirrel : ) - this would certainly make life very uncomfortable, as you are unable to feel at peace in your own 'temporary home'.

- Most residences have 'noise hours'.
Some neighbours would comply to this, whilst others couldnt care less.

- If you have a very friendly room-mate, then expect to have her many friends/ visitors throughout the day, which can get very annoying if you prefer solitude to company of others.

- If you plan on staying at the res on weekends (vs going home) - expect your neighbours to be returning to their rooms at odd hours of the night (or morning) while you try to catch up on sleep.

These are just some of the aspects of res life that you should consider, before making this decision.

In my humble opinion, and from someone whose 'been there, done that.....and alhamdulillah, lived to tell the tale' - I would advise you not to stay at the residence.
If I knew then, what I know now - I would have made a different decision for myself.

No degree, or attainment of any worldly gain is worth risking ones imaan.
And for a female - we should realise that the best for us, is to be in the safety of our families/ husband (if married).

My ukthi, turn to Allah, read istikharaah salaah - and ask Him to guide you in this matter.
May Allah make this decision easy for you and bless you with all that is good.
Ameen.


:wa:
 
I second the Istikharah suggestion.

Also, if you do end up staying at uni, perhaps consider going home on the weekends so that you remain close to family/can help with siblings.
 
stay at home and study if you can if its halal to study at the uni if not halal study , find other alternatives like studying the Quran and Sunnah and practicing them unless your have mastered the Quran and Sunaah. Ofcourse the QUran and sunnah are better than any degree or degrees. sister zarias advice is good. I would like to add if a fasiq comes to you with information(advice or any information) verify the advice to make sure its truthful but since a fasiq may mix a falsehood with some traces of truth its best to avoid the advice of the fussaq(disbelievers and disobedient to Allah) and only ask the advice of truthful muslims who have signs of taqwa such as their advice of leave that which is doubtful for that which is not doubtful and gives you reassurance. You should also fear Allaah by being obedient to Allaah swt as much as you can, in sha Allaah you get a criterion to judge between matters. Whereas, the fasiqeen lack such a criterion so they see truth for false and the false for truth, the good for bad and the bad for good, the haram for halal and the haram for halal and they see the opposite of reality so they are confused and they will confuse you too.
 
sister harb said:
Salam alaykum;

how you are so sure that your roommate expect you to drink? She might be as scared right now than you are like "what if my roommate doesn´t like me".

We should learn to live our life by the way that we don´t worry things before they have even happened. I know it is not easy as our imagination many times finds the worst possibilities when we are unsure about something.

Just try to calm down a little and listen sister glo. I too like her words.

:statisfie
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thats a very good point... i no i get overworked a lot i'll try to remain positive i may be worrying for nothing inshallah all goes well..thank you sisters and brothers i feel a lot better now
 

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