Neighbours Become Nastier In Ramadhan!

[hisnameiszzz]

Salaams all.

Hope Ramadhan is going OK for you.

I promised that I would not post about this ever again, but I am at breaking point again and I just wanted to ask you a question. Please note I am not being sarcastic. It sounds really stupid but..........

is there some kind of virtue for making your neighbours' life hell in Ramadhan? Let me correct that, making their life more hellish than you normally would during any other month of the year? Both have really upped the ante and I just don't know what to do. Do you get extra rewards in Ramadhan for making your neighbours life hell?

* door slamming intensifies, and now it's on both sides, not just the really unkind evil ones. In the last hour, there have been 3 loud door slams on one side and about 15 on the other. My brother comes home from work in the afternoon and they know this. They know he will be sleeping now so they step it up about 500 notches. Not just that, they slam doors shut throughout the day, not just at one point during the day.

* running up and down steps even more when they go up and down. Sure, they go to work and they have to go up and down in the house, but why run like wild animals and make it impossible for your neighbours to sleep?

* constantly hoover. The other morning the bedrooms were being hoovered after Fajar, and then again after Zohar. How are we expected to sleep?


Now call me silly, but I understand Huquqool Ibaad and what it means. I also know that there is a sermon in the local Masjid every day after Asar and in various other Masjids that can be listened to via the receiver system. Both nasty neighbours have the receiver system on and I can hear the sermons. All the sermons have been about akhlaaq and respecting people/neighbours/community. In fact, all the sermons I have heard this holy month have been about that, the virtues of being a good neighbour (there was the story about the Jew who wanted to sell his house in times gone by, the market price for the house was for example, 100 dinars, but he was asking for 200 dinars - 100 for the cost of the house and the extra 100 because the neighbour was such a good person and caused him no harm or trouble) and the downfalls if you mistreat a neighbour, and these are all from different scholars all over the world. I know the unkind females are listening to the sermons at home and I know the unkind men will be listening to the sermons in the Masjid. So why do they then rush home and make so much noise? Am I missing something completely? Should I be doing the same? Is that why my life is so messed up?

These unkind evil neighbours have made me so unwell. I was on a mental health first aid training course from work this week. We had one exercise where we had to score our own mental health, and I was so upset when I scored 8 out of 10 which shows I am severely depressed. The worst part was when we were being trained on if someone was suicidal, I scored yes to most of those questions too and I am even more ashamed to say I even have some of the apparatus to end my life in my room :embarrass I ended up crying once I found out how forked up my life was and the trainer had to console me.

I apologise wholeheartedly as I said I would never post about this topic again. I've tried so hard to keep it together and keep my life on track, but this non stop noise has tipped me over the edge again. I've not had any sleep over the last few days and I am wondering if I am being punished for something? If I am so bad, why does the whole family have to suffer or are we all just plain nasty evil people?

I wanted this Ramadhan to go really well. I wanted to pray loads and be really good, but I have had to listen to music every night because the evil neighbours make so much noise I cannot sleep for the life of me. My intentions were really good, I promise you all. I was even going to go to Jamaat this weekend, but I am in such a state now and I just don't know what to do!

Please please please can someone help or say something to calm me down.....

PS. I can't talk to the evil neighbours, apparently, they are doing nothing wrong.
PPS. The council won't get involved, these are supposedly normal day to day noises.
PPPS. I still haven't inherited lots of money, so we can't move out.
PPPPS. I may have lost the plot now.

 

[strivingobserver98]

Please please please can someone help or say something to calm me down.....

Best thing to calm down is put on headphones and listen to Qur'an recitation.

Listen to this:

May Allah ease all your difficulties brother and make it easy for you.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum ZZZ,


Mmm... your situation is really not easy. (sigh) But the council is right; these are rather normal noises. The problem is likely more that the houses are badly built with little sound insulation.

I remember many years ago living in an apartment with my five children. After a few months, new neighbours moved in downstairs. And they immediately started complaining about us. I really tried to keep things quiet, but it was hard (children will be children), especially because there was always someone home downstairs. These neighbours had health issues, too, and blamed us for worsening them. And no matter what I tried, they were not happy. They even called the police on us one day while I was shopping and the children were home, and some of their friends came over. Believe me, I really tried to keep things quiet, but there are limits to what one can do. Finally, these neighbours were part of the reason we were obliged to leave the apartment, and I married quickly and took my children overseas; we really didn't have anywhere to live at that point (no one wants to rent to a divorced mother with no income and five children).

Quite a few years later, I happened to return to that building to visit someone. When I got into the elevator, a woman came in, too. She looked at me and exclaimed "Aren't you our old neighbour from upstairs?!" I warily assented. "Oh!" She said "I wanted to apologize to you! It wasn't your fault. It's this building that is so badly made and noisy!"

We are sometimes forced to live in places that are designed to be as cheap as possible, to make someone as much profit as possible. These places are very stressful and can cause us to become very upset with our neighbours. But rather than fight with one another, hard as it is, we need to try to find ways to cope with the situation. If we can band together to have a structural problem fixed, this is the best solution. (sigh) But it may be that others are not ready to work with us in the immediate future. They, too, may be so stressed and angry, that they don't feel that they can work with you, or that any effort is useless.

In your case ZZZ, as you are not renting, you could potentially make some upgrades to the soundproofing in your home. If you google "soundproofing an existing room", you can find all sorts of sites that deal with this. I found this one, that seems helpful: http://homeguides.sfgate.com/increase-soundproofing-existing-wall-40553.html
I also tend to wake up at the drop of a hat, and our present house cracks and creaks even without little feet on it (with feet, it's more like gunshot!!!). I personally find that running a fan or an air conditioner (on continuous flow) helps to muffle all the sounds, and I am able to sleep better. I know you've tried listening to music in the past, but perhaps this continuous and monotonous noise could help you, too?

I know you feel like you are going crazy. Noise pollution is a very real threat to one's physical and mental health. But rather than get angry (it's super hard to sleep when you're angry!), perhaps you can try modifying both your internal responses, as well as your external environment?

I know this is easier said than done... but what else can you do? You will always have neighbours. If not these ones, then others. And during Ramadan, they are likely to be more active in cleaning and having odd sleep and wake times.

(gently) My prayers are with you.


May Allah, the Manifest and the Hidden, Help us to use our difficult experiences to help us in our quest to get closer to Him.

 

[hisnameiszzz]

In your case ZZZ, as you are not renting, you could potentially make some upgrades to the soundproofing in your home. If you google "soundproofing an existing room", you can find all sorts of sites that deal with this. I found this one, that seems helpful: http://homeguides.sfgate.com/increase-soundproofing-existing-wall-40553.html
I also tend to wake up at the drop of a hat, and our present house cracks and creaks even without little feet on it (with feet, it's more like gunshot!!!). I personally find that running a fan or an air conditioner (on continuous flow) helps to muffle all the sounds, and I am able to sleep better. I know you've tried listening to music in the past, but perhaps this continuous and monotonous noise could help you, too?

I know you feel like you are going crazy. Noise pollution is a very real threat to one's physical and mental health. But rather than get angry (it's super hard to sleep when you're angry!), perhaps you can try modifying both your internal responses, as well as your external environment?

I know this is easier said than done... but what else can you do? You will always have neighbours. If not these ones, then others. And during Ramadan, they are likely to be more active in cleaning and having odd sleep and wake times.

Salaams Auntie MI,

Hope you are OK.

The Council would like to take action, but they can't. They can't just rock up and confiscate all the doors. There are loads of people in the UK who have to suffer because of nasty evil neighbours. The reply I got from them also said hoovering after 10pm was a definite no no and they could take action about that, but having lived next door to these people for a number of years, I know they would only get nastier if the Council wrote to them or came to see them.

Thanks so much for the information about sound proofing. I think I may have told you already, I work in housing and I have done research into sound proofing. To have all the party walls sound proofed properly would cost about £25K, and even with that, the noise is not guaranteed to change. Unless a rich family member dies and leaves me with shed loads of money or I start playing the lottery (which I know is haraam but I am running out of options now), this amount of money is not going to be something realistic. I don't want to end up in debt if I get a loan out, so that's a no no also.

As for always having neighbours, I know that's always going to happen unless I win the lottery and can buy a detached housed. However, most neighbours have an ounce of consideration for others. These people living next to us are just plain nasty. In your situation, you had young children and that is fully understandable, but the youngest person next door is almost 30, so that is no excuse to constantly slam doors full blast. And what kind of moron would hoover bedrooms at 3am in the morning, Ramadhan or not? I mean seriously? It happened again yesterday and then the whole house was hoovered again at 11am, 8 hours later. And all this when they know the lady next door is an elderly ill widow?

May I ask how you suggest how I change my internal and external responses? As soon as the noise starts up, I end up getting a panic attack, and although I try changing my breathing techniques, it just takes over me to the point when I end up going numb, sweating profusely and it feels like my heart is going to pound of my chest. And then I have to go to the bathroom and I end up bleeding.

I pray to Allah daily, I beg, I cry. In fact, I went grocery shopping today and ended up breaking down on the bus (again!). People started giving me funny looks, but I am so upset and unhappy with my life. Why won't he give me a way out of this? Am I so evil that he won't even listen to my prayers? Maybe I am if I am having this waswas thoughts in Ramadhan when all the devils have been locked up? If I am the nasty one, why does the whole family have to suffer? I am sure I heard in a bayaan that Allah the all loving and all kind shows mercy and compassion on people who have white hair and are elderly, well my Mother definitely fits that bracket and so do I with the white hair that is popping up on my head daily.

Have I got Islam completely wrong? Am I too supposed to be a nasty person and cause others hardship and trouble? Is that what Islam is about? I know waswas is taking me over but I am so helpless and I am so tired as well. I almost fell down whilst I was in taraweeh last night due to fatigue.

 

[Scimitar]

lol bro, is this still going on?

Why don't you invest in some noise cancelling head phones as bro Farhan suggested and listen to Quran audio.

Where do you live btw?

Scimi

 

[hisnameiszzz]

lol bro, is this still going on?

Why don't you invest in some noise cancelling head phones as bro Farhan suggested and listen to Quran audio.

Where do you live btw?

Scimi

I told you I live not too far from Dewsbury, the hot spot for terror wrist recruits!

Noise cancelling headphones are an excellent idea but I would have to take them out at some point and then I would be back to square one.

Thanks for your response.

 

[Scimitar]

in sha Allah I'll be in Dewsbury at the end of August (I was born there), would like to come visit you if that would be possible in sha Allah.

Scimi

 

[Umm Abed]

This noise is enough to drive one crazy:heated: , sounds really bad.
Is it not possible to move elsewhere, anywhere away from these neighbours?

 

[hisnameiszzz]

in sha Allah I'll be in Dewsbury at the end of August (I was born there), would like to come visit you if that would be possible in sha Allah.

Scimi

Salaams. If I am still in the land of the living, let's do that. Judging by how my life is progressing, suicide seems more and more enticing as each day goes by.

This noise is enough to drive one crazy:heated: , sounds really bad.
Is it not possible to move elsewhere, anywhere away from these neighbours?

Salaams. If I had the money to move, I would, but I don't. Until this house sells, we can't go anywhere and as most people know who live next to us, and no one wants to buy.

Please don't get me wrong, I know neighbours will make noise and it's a fact of life, but the noise these people make is done on purpose and is an act of bullying and torment!

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum ZZZ,


I have looked a little into soundproofing. I found this in the UK: http://www.gowallpaper.co.uk/saarpor-latex-sound-proof-wall-liner.html It's supposed to be particularly useful against hoovers. At £74.50 to cover 5m [SUP]2 [/SUP](plus adhesive), you are right that it's quite pricy, but why do you need to do the whole house? Why not just your bedroom? Or the smallest bedroom, and make that yours? And if you looked into how to do it yourself, then it would be cheaper than a contractor.

When I talk of changing internal responses, I mean changing how you react to things. For instance, instead of looking at how something can't work, I'd focus on trying to find ways so that it can work. You'd be surprised what you can do, you know. You can't afford to paper the whole house? So paper just a bit. Could straw bale work (I stayed in a straw bale cabin once; it was eerily quiet)? Inside the house? As a cabin in the garden? Are there any other materials you could use? Have you tried running a continuous noise machine? I'd research my options. Ask for ideas. Research those...

Then if, after all efforts, there is really no way out... then you have to try diving into yourself. I've read of people who survived prison, slavery, concentration camps... and some people found ways to cope with these truly horrible situations. How? By finding ways to balance their inner Selves. By trying to focus on what they could do, rather than what they couldn't. You can't end apartheid in your society? Ok. But maybe you can set up soccer teams in your prison. You can't stop the Nazis from gassing and torturing people? Ok. But maybe you can do some little acts of kindness for those suffering around you. You are being tortured and humiliated? Ok. But maybe you can retain your dignity by realizing that no one can take your dignity from you. That the evil that others do to you degrades them, not you. By holding onto your inner Self and refusing to accept the humiliation and blame that the torturers are trying to inflict on you... you are resisting them. You can't stop them from raping the young woman in your cell? You can't stop hearing her screams? Ok. But you can care. Perhaps you can comfort her later. Perhaps you can hold onto the promise in your mind that you will, if you survive this, tell the story of what happened to her to the world. That you will do what you can. In the endless torture of the moment, it seems like we can do nothing. But refusing to believe that we are fully helpless forever... gives us strength.

Death is not a solution. Death is the end of our opportunities in this life to struggle towards Allah. If God Decides that our Test is over, so be it. But if He has Given us the opportunity to live a little longer, and struggle a little longer... then it would be ungrateful and foolish to leave the examination room before we have completed the test.

(gently) You are exhausted. I know. You feel helpless. I know. When I talk about inner changes, I mean the realization that you are not helpless. At the very least, you can hold your inner Self in the best balance you can, and be the best person you can be. This is hard? Oh God yes! But it is doable.

(smile) And once we refuse to accept that we are helpless... this is empowering. We feel less stress. We can let go of what we can't control, and seize upon that which we can. And this is when Allah is likely to Send us openings. When we are ready to take them, they have an astonishing tendency to appear.

(smile) Anyway, it's good to see you on the Forum. And if you want to brainstorm solutions... (smile) perhaps we can help you with this?


May Allah, the Loving, the Aware, Help us to realize what we can do.

 

[Scimitar]

Salaams. If I am still in the land of the living, let's do that. Judging by how my life is progressing, suicide seems more and more enticing as each day goes by.

Ok akhi, closer to the date I will send you a PM and we can arrange in sha Allah.

Stay strong bro!

Scimi