I don't know what you mean by relationship. As i said in my post, there was a man I wanted to marry but it did not work that way. The reason I have posted, brother Hamza, is not because "I was in a relationship before marriage", as you have insinuated. The reason I have posted is because i have been discouraged that despite constant ibadat and constant praying for a husband over 15 years, I have not achieved that, and I wonder if Allah will be answering my requests that this sadness, loneliness and abandonment by my family goes away.
Asalaamu Alaikum, No sister i just wanted to find out the facts of your case that is why i asked some probing questions. My dear sister a few years ago one of my close friends wife had died at quite a young age and she was also pregnant with his child at the time of her death. He mourned her death for a long time but remained patient for a number of years and had continued to ask Allah for a good and pious partner even though at times he wanted to lost hope. He made some very strong dua's to Allah begging of himj to help him esepcially in Ramadan and whilst he was sat in I'thiqaaf.
You have come here for a reason and that is for you to know that whatever is best will happen for you as long as you never question Allah "why" but accept his decree and continue to be patient for his pleasure alone. Also continue to try every avenue possible in order to find a marriage partner and at the sametime have FULL hope, trust and faith in Allah that he will find you the right partner.
The man whom you wanted to get married to and things did not go right then surely it was because he was not best for you even though you thought he is. I think i have come across this issue before where someone was in the same situation as you but the man was not Muslim and was not willing to convert but not sure if it was you or someone else. Anyhow my sister there are countless examples of marriages that did not go ahead and in return the person getting MUCH better in return and being lucky that the mariage did not go ahead simply because it was not best for that person to marry such a person. NO doubt you will get MUCH better in return and you will look back and think how lucky you are that it did not go ahead and that you are married to the person you ended up marying.
I know you have gone through a lot with the lack of support from your family and that you have been waiting for a long time in order to get married but maybe it was for the best that you did not find a partner until now because of the fact that things may have gone horribly wrong and Allah knows best but in life we think we know what is best for us but in reality we don't.
It is only shaythan your sworn enemy that wants you to lose hope and be angry at Allah and your famiuly but you must realise in your heart that whatver has happened until this point was always meant to happen. Find forgiveness in your heart for your familys actions as i am sure they never meant to treat you in this way. By you showing forgiveness for them you will get compensated with MUCH better in return.
In regards to Salatul Hajaat then continue to pray it because although the hadith has some weakness, it is slight and such hadiths are acted upon for virtuous deeds (fada’il al-a`mal) by general agreement of Sunni scholarship even though some scholars may not agree they are entitled to their difference of opinion as are scholars who agree that such hadith can be acted upon foir the purpose of virtuous deeds.
The hadith regarding it: Abullah ibn Abi Awfa (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever has a need with Allah, or with any human being, then let them perform ritual ablutions well and then pray two rakats. After that, let them praise Allah and send blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).
After this, let them say,
لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِين
أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ وَالْغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَالسَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلّإِثْمٍ
لا تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْبًا إِلا غَفَرْتَهُ وَلا هَمًّا إِلا فَرَّجْتَهُ وَلا حَاجَةً هِيَ لَكَ رِضًا إِلا قَضَيْتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ
There there no god but Allah the Clement and Wise.
There is no god but Allah the High and Mighty.
Glory be to Allah, Lord of the Tremendous Throne.
All praise is to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
I ask you (O Allah) everything that leads to your mercy, and your tremendous forgiveness, enrichment in all good, and freedom from all sin.
Do not leave a sin of mine (O Allah), except that you forgive it, nor any concern except that you create for it an opening, nor any need in which there is your good pleasure except that you fulfill it, O Most Merciful!”
[Related by Tirmidhi and Ibn Maja)
Here is the dua after praying 2 rakat salaatul hajaat:
http://www.central-mosque.com/Dua/11. Salat al-hajah - dua at the time of need.htm
Aswell as continuing to pray salaatul Hajaat everyday also do the following:
1. Give as much Sadaqa as possible for the pleasure of Allah
2. Make much strong dua to Allah particularly in the latter portuion of the night after praying Tahajjud prayer. Cry to Allah if you can for Allah tends the slave who cries and weeps faster than a mother tends its baby.
3. Leave major sins for this gets in the way of duas being accepted.
4. Thank Allah as much as possible for how happy would Allah be with his slave who is thankful to him even though they may be going through difficult trials.
5. Make dua as much as possible in the following situations where dua is more likely to be accepted:
- After every fardh salaat and before going to bed, and after making wudhu(after the wudhu dua), while raining, while azzan is in progress(time when the muezzin pauses during the azaan), after azaan, between azaan and iqmah, when the cock crows, in a religious gathering, while travelling to masjid or on the way to meet a sick person etc
There is also an hour on Jumma where duas are definatley accepted so do as much dua as possible during Jumma.
6. Do plenty of durood before and after dua.
6. Increase the avenues you are currently exploring in order to find a suitable marriage partner like:
1. Ask around for those who have contacts for marriage because in most areas where there are Muslims there are usually women who have contacts which they pass on to people and if it gets to marriage then you just pay them a small fee.
2. Goto marriage events with a mahram
3. Join some Muslim marriage sites where a mahram is involved like purematrimony.com
4. Ask around your local area in al of your local masjids. You can phone them and they will be more than willing to put you in touch with the right person who sets up local marriages.
5. Ask close friends or relatives.
6. Recite the following:
Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer
136x's everyday
[My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me]
Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1908&CATE=10
7. a) Be in the state of Tahaarah (Wudhu)
b) Praise and glorify Allah
c) Have faith that Allah Ta'ala is All-Hearing and your Du'aas will be
accepted.
d)Read durood shareef upto 500 times a day. (Read the Duroode-Ibrahimi, which we read in Salaah, at least 500 times a day, the great Hadhrat Sheikh Zakariyya has written this in his letters).
Source: http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/ask.pl?q=8597&act=view
My sister NEVER give up hope because whatever is best will happen for you because with hardship comes ease. There are so many of us who are going through different kinds of hardships and trials but we should realise that if we are patient then we will be compansated in the hereafter. But you must have full beleif that your dua will be accepted and do NOT let your enemy shaythahn make you lose hope.
Also my sister go about marriage in the right way as in get to know him through mahram or in front of family if need be but not alone because that is when feelings will be created for it is best to go about marriage in the way that is permissable for Allah will put blessings in it otherwise shaythan will be third party.
Please read through this thread as it will help you to try and understand the trials and hardships which you are facing:
How To Get Through Hardships, Stresses and Problems in life!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303665
If there is help you need then please do not hesitate to ask.
May Allah find you the best partner so that you may start a pious family with him. Ameen
And Allah knows best in all matters
