Should you forgive your own rapist?
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ardianto
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Most of rape cases committed by perpetrator that known personally by the victim, including perpetrators that have family ties with the victims. This is why there are many victims who choose to not report rape that happen to them. But it give negative impact. The rapists will feel safe and repeating their action. The worse is, it also can make them dare to rape new victims.
So my advice is, do not afraid to report rape case, even if the rapist has family ties with the victim.
anonymous
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What if you genuinely believe the abuser would never do so again
Most of rape cases committed by perpetrator that known personally by the victim, including perpetrators that have family ties with the victims. This is why there are many victims who choose to not report rape that happen to them. But it give negative impact. The rapists will feel safe and repeating their action. The worse is, it also can make them dare to rape new victims.
So my advice is, do not afraid to report rape case, even if the rapist has family ties with the victim.
sister herb
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You can´t to be absolutely sure how some person will act at the future. Some other will suffer then. Do you want to live with it, knowing you could prevented the suffer of some other one?
Greetings and peace be with you anonymous;
I believe it is better to forgive if you can, even if the other person does not say sorry, this is for your own peace of mind, so you do not have constant thoughts of hate eating away at you.
However, when you forgive someone, that is not the same as giving them permission to rape again. If there is anything in your power to prevent future rape, then you should try and put it in place. When you forgive, you should not become a doormat to be walked over.
Often, people who rape have been abused themselves, they also need help.
Pray for them, ask for spiritual guidance, tell another family member, when you tell someone else, this becomes an insurance policy.
In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God, in the end, it is between you and Allah.
Eric
I believe it is better to forgive if you can, even if the other person does not say sorry, this is for your own peace of mind, so you do not have constant thoughts of hate eating away at you.
However, when you forgive someone, that is not the same as giving them permission to rape again. If there is anything in your power to prevent future rape, then you should try and put it in place. When you forgive, you should not become a doormat to be walked over.
Often, people who rape have been abused themselves, they also need help.
Pray for them, ask for spiritual guidance, tell another family member, when you tell someone else, this becomes an insurance policy.
In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God, in the end, it is between you and Allah.
Eric
noraina
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Wa alaykum assalam,
Forgiveness, definitely. But don't give away your right to justice.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, but in essence it will give you yourself a peace of mind and strength. But forgiveness isn't allowing someone to get away with their crimes either, for both yourself and them, it's essential they're brought to justice.
As terrible as it is, the majority of cases like this are perpetrated by a family member or friend. It doesn't matter how 'respected' that person might be, how they're related to you or how much everyone likes them - you should never allow yourself to feel intimidated just because they have a certain status in your social circle. That should have nothing to do with reporting it or not. You should immediately tell a family member you trust, perhaps an elder, for both support and assurance.
Forgiveness, definitely. But don't give away your right to justice.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, but in essence it will give you yourself a peace of mind and strength. But forgiveness isn't allowing someone to get away with their crimes either, for both yourself and them, it's essential they're brought to justice.
As terrible as it is, the majority of cases like this are perpetrated by a family member or friend. It doesn't matter how 'respected' that person might be, how they're related to you or how much everyone likes them - you should never allow yourself to feel intimidated just because they have a certain status in your social circle. That should have nothing to do with reporting it or not. You should immediately tell a family member you trust, perhaps an elder, for both support and assurance.
ardianto
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One nature of human is, if they feel pleasure they want to feel it again. So they will do again what make them get pleasure. This is why someone who commit sexual abuse or rape feel an urge to do his action again. And there are only two things that can prevent, he has no chance, or, fear of consequence that he will get if he get caught.
In case of sexual abuse or rape that committed by someone who relate to the victim, the main thing that make the abuser dare to do his action again is the victim attitude that surrender. It would be different if the victim try to fight that can make the abuser afraid he will get caught by other people.
But indeed, in cases which the abuser and the victim closely related, like between family members, the victim often feel difficult situation. She want to fight, but she is afraid the fighting will make other people know what is happening, and she is afraid of consequence that she will get if other people know.
There is tendency among people which they blame the victim instead the rapist. She is afraid she will be blamed as the party that made the rapist has desire on her. Situation would be more difficult for her if the rapist is known as person who always behave well on her, or often help her.
Feeling hesitate to say "Don't do it!" when the abuser do the early action like touching her sexually, often become the beginning of rape case. The victim usually feel this hesitate feeling if the rapist is someone who always behave well on her, or often help her, or someone who has power on her. It make the abuser dare to continue his action to 'higher level' and finally rape her.
In case of sexual abuse or rape that committed by someone who relate to the victim, the main thing that make the abuser dare to do his action again is the victim attitude that surrender. It would be different if the victim try to fight that can make the abuser afraid he will get caught by other people.
But indeed, in cases which the abuser and the victim closely related, like between family members, the victim often feel difficult situation. She want to fight, but she is afraid the fighting will make other people know what is happening, and she is afraid of consequence that she will get if other people know.
There is tendency among people which they blame the victim instead the rapist. She is afraid she will be blamed as the party that made the rapist has desire on her. Situation would be more difficult for her if the rapist is known as person who always behave well on her, or often help her.
Feeling hesitate to say "Don't do it!" when the abuser do the early action like touching her sexually, often become the beginning of rape case. The victim usually feel this hesitate feeling if the rapist is someone who always behave well on her, or often help her, or someone who has power on her. It make the abuser dare to continue his action to 'higher level' and finally rape her.
hisnameiszzz
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Report them. You don't want to be be the person who is guilty of not reporting them and someone else is raped by them.
If you feel unsure about reporting them, there are heaps of counselling agencies for victims of rape who will talk it through with you and are experienced in that field. Just Google it.
Rapists and abusers (in and out of prison) do get counselling as well, so if they have had a hard upbringing or were attacked in their past too, they can speak up about it and get the help they need.
If you feel unsure about reporting them, there are heaps of counselling agencies for victims of rape who will talk it through with you and are experienced in that field. Just Google it.
Rapists and abusers (in and out of prison) do get counselling as well, so if they have had a hard upbringing or were attacked in their past too, they can speak up about it and get the help they need.
anonymous
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And that families soul pride is the abuser and without him it would ruin the rep completely and you know how big a thing that can be especially in desi families
hisnameiszzz
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Too many what if's. How can the abuser not abuse again? Have they cut off his whatsit?
It's your all at the end of the day. If you don't want to report it, that's your choice but please do talk about it to someone confidential. You might get a different perspective then.
Greetings and peace be with you anonymous;
Then it is a decision for the victim to take, if they are not going to press charges, they have to live with the knowledge of that rape for the rest of their lives. If the victim takes this path, then yes, it is best to forgive. Rape can eat away at people, they can become depressed, loose all self worth, so it is always best to try and forgive, even if the rapist does not repent.
Pray for the rapist, pray for the victim,, pray that they can find peace.
In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God,
Eric
Then it is a decision for the victim to take, if they are not going to press charges, they have to live with the knowledge of that rape for the rest of their lives. If the victim takes this path, then yes, it is best to forgive. Rape can eat away at people, they can become depressed, loose all self worth, so it is always best to try and forgive, even if the rapist does not repent.
Pray for the rapist, pray for the victim,, pray that they can find peace.
In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God,
Eric
Serinity
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How can one forgive a rapist? Unless the rapist himself turns to Allah, I could not forgive a rapist. If the rapist does not turn to Allah, and repent, and asking for forgiveness.
Rapists should be put to Justice. Cause Idk how else they'd stop their wrongdoing. Sometimes, harsh means is the way, however, as a citizen, we can not take justice in our own hands.
the blame is upon the rapist, and there is no fault upon the victim. Victim blaming is cultural non sense.
Allahu alam.
aaj
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Whether one forgives their rapist is something personal and something only they can decide. I don't think it's something you can do based on what others say. Rather the victim him/herself will need to see what he/she needs to do to be able to move forward with their life. While some do forgive and it's part of their healing process, others want justice and it's their islamic right to do so. I don't think we are in any position to tell a victim what he/she needs to do. And as Eric mentioned, forgiveness does not mean letting it happen again. It's something personal a victim must decide for his/herself while at the same time take whatever steps necessary to ensure it does not happen again.
When it's a family member it makes it even more complicated. If it's something ongoing then definitly it should be stopped and told someone. But it's over 10 years old and the agressor has such a standing the community/family that exposing him may cause more harm to the whole family than him or the victim then that makes it even more complicated.
I think there may also be confusion over the difference between forgiving and being able to do something about it. Sometimes people talk about forgiveness because they don't have the power to do anything about it. So they opt for forgiveness seeing they are powerless to do anything else about it. Two two are mutually exclusive. One can expose the person and forgive them, and one can not expose the perons and still not forgive them.
If you want to expose him then you can. If you do not want to as of it being repeated is remote, against you or anyone else for that matter, and exposing him may cause more harm to others then that's something you'll have to decide.
And if you choose not to expose then know you can do that too while choosing to or not to forgive. You could remain patient and quite if you choose to do so and have Allah give you justice in how He sees fit.
When it's a family member it makes it even more complicated. If it's something ongoing then definitly it should be stopped and told someone. But it's over 10 years old and the agressor has such a standing the community/family that exposing him may cause more harm to the whole family than him or the victim then that makes it even more complicated.
I think there may also be confusion over the difference between forgiving and being able to do something about it. Sometimes people talk about forgiveness because they don't have the power to do anything about it. So they opt for forgiveness seeing they are powerless to do anything else about it. Two two are mutually exclusive. One can expose the person and forgive them, and one can not expose the perons and still not forgive them.
If you want to expose him then you can. If you do not want to as of it being repeated is remote, against you or anyone else for that matter, and exposing him may cause more harm to others then that's something you'll have to decide.
And if you choose not to expose then know you can do that too while choosing to or not to forgive. You could remain patient and quite if you choose to do so and have Allah give you justice in how He sees fit.